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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675584">Where Love Is Not Meant To Be</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms_Blue17/pseuds/Ms_Blue17'>Ms_Blue17</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Sex, Bottom Komori Motoya, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Cousin Incest, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Frottage, Incest, Komori knows Spanish, Komosaku, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Realization of Feelings, Sakukomo, Slow Burn, for now, little light smut at the end of ch. 3, lots of fluff tbh, mostly by sakusa, sakusa&amp;ushijima were dating, they are very in love, wet dreams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:48:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>34,720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675584</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms_Blue17/pseuds/Ms_Blue17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakusa and Komori haven't talked to each other in years. But now they wll be playing in the same team for almost a month beacuase of the Olympics 2021.</p><p>Sakusa, whose feelings are still a mess, is not sure if we wants to meet Komori.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Komori Motoya/Sakusa Kiyoomi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sigh.</p><p>Lately i'm just in need of more Sakukomo stuff and I can't believe they don't have a multi chapter fic. So here I am. Trying to write a multichapter fic for them, because they deserve it. I have the whole idea in my mind, but i'm not sure if I can bring it into words ;-;</p><p>Let's see what happenes. Meanwhile, I'll write this for myself, because I need it and I want it hehe.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>April 2013</b>
</p>
<p><i>“Andábamos sin buscarnos, pero sabiendo que andábamos para encontrarnos.”</i> Motoya recited with such poetic tone. </p>
<p>They were at Sakusa’s house. It was spring break.  The air still felt a little bit chill, but the sun that made the flowers bloom, would embrace their skins in a warm hug. Half of Motoya’s face was highlighted with a patch of sunlight that broke through the glass door in the living room. His eyes sparkling even more beautifully with the effect. </p>
<p>Lying on the couch, he held a small book in his hands. The title read “<i>Rayuela</i>” written in Roman Alphabet. A word Sakusa didn’t know.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” Sakusa asked a little bit curious. He was sitting on the floor, in front of a small wooden table, already studying for university exams. His head slightly moved in Komori’s direction.</p>
<p>“It’s a phrase from a book in Spanish I’m trying to read,” answered Komori. “The name is ‘<i>Rayuela</i>’ by Julio Cortázar, an Argentinian author. It seems like he wrote this while he was in Paris…” he said a little bit absently and with a frown on his face, still trying to read. </p>
<p><i>Hoolio</i>… what? Sakusa thought for himself letting his face change into a frown. He wasn’t sure he had picked up the name correctly. But being honest, he couldn’t care less about it. </p>
<p>Komori was studying Spanish. The Itachiyama Academy had an international program, so languages were a must in its study program. Students started English in elementary, as a mandatory second language. But in their last year of middle school they would choose a third one. Komori went for Spanish right away, while Sakusa had chosen German. ‘Why Spanish?’ He had asked. ‘Because it’s interesting, and it suits me’ Komori had answered. And Sakusa thought it did suit him well if that was even possible.</p>
<p>“And? Is it good?” Sakusa inquired still looking at his cousin lying on the couch. </p>
<p>“Mmm more like I barely can understand what I’m reading,” Komori sighed, but soon enough he met Sakusa’s eyes with a broad smile. “Man, Spanish is really hard. I’ve been learning it like for two years now and still can’t manage a single book.”</p>
<p>“It’s because you always choose hard ones. Try with children books first, “he suggested. “But anyways, what did you recite earlier? Or were you reciting something you had no clue about?” Sakusa asked now raising one of his eyebrows.</p>
<p>“No, I actually could understand that one. I like it. It means something like ‘<i>we went around without looking for each other, and yet, knowing we went around to find each other</i>.’</p>
<p>“Sounds… nonsense.” Answered Sakusa with plain eyes, not understanding what the phrase meant. </p>
<p>Komori giggled fondly and put down the book. He raised his arms as if trying to reach the ceiling, and with dreamy eyes, he gazed at his hands as he patiently explained.</p>
<p>“Come on, Kiyoomi, don’t be such a party pooper. It’s romantic, kind of. I’m not sure since I don’t think I’m understanding the full plot but… it feels like… destiny. Like, when you live a life doing whatever you want to do, not expecting anything. Not looking for… love. And then, one day, it just hits you. Like a sudden arrow crossing your whole body. Because love has found you, even though you were not looking for it. Even though you didn’t notice at first…” </p>
<p>Komori may have been speaking, but his mind was somewhere else. Sakusa noticed right away. Through all these years, he had learnt to read his cousin’s face and expressions with a lot of accuracy. He had realized how fascinated he was with every gesture and tone and all the different colors Komori Motoya came in. And he knew Komori’s eyes were focusing on something invisible he would never find on the hands he had been staring for the last minute.</p>
<p>“Did love find you?” Sakusa asked breaking a bubble that seemed full of magic. And Sakusa wanted to know. He really did. Wondering if love could make mistakes too. If love had found him in a wrong way. </p>
<p>Motoya blushed instantly, not expecting that question. Sakusa himself was surprised it blurted out of his mouth, like a reflection, so natural he didn’t even think about it. It just came. Komori avoided Sakusa’s dark pupils, looking away to stare outside the glass door. </p>
<p>“Mmm… maybe.” He answered in a low voice. And, all of a sudden, he pulled down his hands to close the book. He jumped out of the sofa, not showing his face. “I’m taking a shower before it gets late.”  He said, and no adding any more words, he made his way towards the bathroom. </p>
<p>Sakusa felt the urge to ask more questions. To stop him. But what for? What would he ask then? He wasn’t sure what else he wanted to know, and most important, if he wanted to know.</p>
<p>“Sure… “Sakusa replied in a soft whisper to himself, knowing that Komori had already left the room.</p>
<p>‘Maybe’ he had said. And Sakusa’s chest felt heavy and confusion spread throughout his body leaving a strange taste in his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>July 11, 2021.</b>
</p>
<p>Sakusa woke up. A shiny Sunday greeted him from outside. 10:13AM the clock said, and it was unusual for him waking up this late. But it was Sunday, and 12 days before the Olympics he didn’t have much to do. Resting was important too, letting the body recover, sleeping, and eating properly were part of his routine. So, it was okay. He would let himself enjoy the day. </p>
<p>He was dreaming, he realized. He dreamed a pair of bushy eyebrows, with blue eyes and a pretty smile. He couldn't help it, a tiny leer formed on his lips. It was always nice to dream about his face. Especially now that they barely saw each other.</p>
<p>And that phrase… why had he dreamed about it? And why was it he could remember every word from it? He couldn’t even remember the name of that book nor the author, it had been years, and he was sure he never listened to Komori repeat the quote again. It happened only once, but once had been enough for him to take those words into his memory forever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You are awake.” said a deep voice that pulled him out of his thoughts. “I hope it was not me the one that woke you up. I’m sorry. I was trying to do breakfast quietly, but I might’ve failed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ushijima Wakatoshi was standing on the doorframe of his bedroom wearing a white apron that was a little bit small for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sakusa stared at him confused. For a second, he couldn’t remember why Ushijima was on his apartment on a Sunday morning wearing an apron and trying to make breakfast. Had he jump into another dream still sleeping? No. The memory hit him then. The Olympics got him back in Japan. He arrived in Tokyo last night, but the National Team Trainings wouldn’t start until tomorrow, so Sakusa thought it would be good if Ushijima stayed at his place instead of paying for a hotel. Ushijima had accepted his offer with his proper thanks; and in a blink, they were sharing a bed, sleeping together before the training day came.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You didn’t. I woke up by myself” he finally replied, trying to smile. He felt something weird building up inside, was it disappointment? He wondered but didn’t have the time to think further into this before Ushijima spoke again.</p>
<p>“Come to eat something.” He said not taking away his eyes from Sakusa’s shape. “I’ll be waiting for you at the table.” </p>
<p>“Thank you. I’ll be there in a moment.” Sakusa answered. And Ushijima turn around to make his way into the dining table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sakusa stood up from his bed a little bit lazily. He stretched his body less than usual. Just the necessary, not his whole 10 minutes stretching routine. Breakfast was ready and Ushijima was there. It would be rude to make him wait even more.</p>
<p>He liked him. The man was neat and polite. Always doing everything in a proper way. He was strong and handsome, and of course, a great volleyball player. Both had been called to play in the National Team. Ushijima lived in Poland now, but they had kept in touch all this time. What happened last night… well… he kind of expected it. Sakusa got it. They hadn’t ended up in bad terms. They dated for almost a year and a half until Ushijima was offered to play in Poland. Both had agreed it would be better to end up their relationship. None of them believe in long distance relationships. They didn’t have the time to deal with that. They didn’t cry or argue. Thigs were just what they had to be. They accepted and continue with their lives, going wherever volleyball took them.</p>
<p>After washing his face and brushing his hair, Sakusa walked to the kitchen. The smell of steamed rice and vegetables filled his nose. The breakfast was simple. Something very Ushijima.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you for the food, you didn’t have to.” Sakusa said as he sat in front of him.</p>
<p>“I wanted to. You let me stay in your apartment. Let me at least make breakfast for us.” he answered. Sakusa would always admire the way Ushijima could do anything without making any mess of it. The place was all clean and neat. He thanked the Gods above for it.</p>
<p>“It’s just two days. You are always welcome,” he said and started eating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They ate in complete silence. None of them were the kind of person with a lot to say. Sakusa was usually the one bringing up stuff to talk about, but today, his mind was somewhere else. He was still thinking about his dream and the person he dreamed of. If he had to be honest, he had been thinking about him lately, more than usual. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is everything okay?” Ushijima asked, perhaps noticing the absence of words coming from Sakusa.</p>
<p>“Why do you ask?” Sakusa asked back. Sounding surprised more than anything.</p>
<p>“You seemed confused when I met you in the bedroom. I thought it was because you had just woken up but now you seem… distracted.”</p>
<p>“Do I?” Sakusa said raising his eyebrows. Then he let escape a sigh. “I’m okay, I’m just thinking about the Olympics and the trainings that start tomorrow. Everyone is going to be there. I just hope all of them had their shots and remember to keep their distance from me.” he wasn’t lying, that was something that also kept his mind a little bit worried… but well, Ushijima didn’t need to know the whole thing. </p>
<p>“I see. We have a good team this year.”</p>
<p>“We do. I would prefer some of them were less noisy… but as long as they do their job correctly, it’s okay.”</p>
<p>“I’ve played with one of the liberos before, in Brazil. The other used to play in a school from here, he’s now playing in Russia, so he must be good. And then, the one that played along with you in High School…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sakusa’s heart started speeding its pace. Why Ushijima had suddenly decided to point out the liberos of the national team? Had he noticed? No, Ushijima wasn’t that observant. And even if he were, he wouldn’t bring the topic up just to inquire. This was just an awful coincidence. A mock from the Gods he had thanked just some minutes ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Motoya…” Sakusa said. “I mean, Komori Motoya. Yes. He will be there too. He was good in high school, and as long as I know, he’s still good.” Sakusa said trying to sound indifferent. Nobody needed to know he never missed any of Komori’s matches, or how he carefully stared at him when they had games against each other. Nor his heart almost jumped out of his chest when he knew they would play in the same team again at the Olympics.</p>
<p>“One of the best, if he was elected for the National Team.” Ushijima observed. “Your cousin, right?” he asked casually, not looking at Sakusa.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A bitter flavor filled his mouth. Ah yes… his cousin. He thought. A detail lately he seemed to be trying to ignore. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>“I imagine you still keep in touch with him, you always seemed close. It must be nice to play together again.” Ushijima said. And Sakusa knew he had good intentions with his words. What could he know? He never told him anything about him, the only thing he once told him was Komori was his cousin. And that’s it. The rest well… yeah. Everybody knew they were close to each other. Maybe too close… </p>
<p>“Yes, I’m looking forward to it.” He finally said. Truth to be told. He wasn’t. He was scared and a little bit nervous. He and Komori Motoya hadn’t talked to each other in three long years.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, here is chapter two and I feel like nothing interesting happened in the story hahahaha<br/>sorry.</p><p>Still I hope you enjoy it a little bit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>July 12</b><br/>
Monday came with a pouring rain that made sure some passersby got soaked in their ways to work. Ushijima and Sakusa, as the cautious men they were, made it into the meeting point completely safe and dried. As soon as they got into the gym, Sakusa’s eyes moved searching for someone that wasn’t there. He didn’t know what to expect, but for now, he had decided that whatever the case, he would at least say hello to Komori. After all, they were family, and it would be totally rude just to ignore him, moreover some of their teammates in the Japanese National Team could ask questions whose answers he didn’t want to give if they noticed they weren’t talking anymore.</p><p>Ushijima and Sakusa were standing in the middle of the gym at the meeting point when a shapely figure suddenly approached them. It was the same Iwaizumi Hajime, athletic trainer (27). Sakusa had met him once before and he had decided immediately that he liked this Iwaizumi. His first impression of him was that the man wasn’t that tall or handsome, but he was smart, well educated, prudent, and careful. After all, he had the whole national team on his hand  ̶ and those muscular arms. And if that wasn’t good enough, Ushijima seemed to know him since their high school years and felt respect and admiration towards him. </p><p>“Wakatoshi, nice to see you again. You look well.” Iwaizumi said giving both a friendly look.</p><p>“The same could be said of you, Iwaizumi.” Ushijima replied politely.</p><p>Iwaizumi’s mouth turned into a smirk, then he turned his gaze towards Sakusa.</p><p>“Are you doing well today, Sakusa?” he asked. “You seem a little bit uncomfortable. Don’t worry, I promise everything will be clean as possible. Also, all players, coaches, and people in general had been checked before coming here. We have made sure everyone got their shots.”</p><p>This man is an Angel. This was Sakusa’s second impression of Iwaizumi Hajime. But at the same time, he worried his nervousness was being too obvious.</p><p>“I’m okay. Thank you for asking.” He answered trying to sound casual.</p><p>Suddenly a hand posed on his shoulder. Sakusa’s skin bristled with the touch. His heart pounding quickly. There were only a few people on this world that Sakusa allowed to touch him so freely, and the owner of this hand that shamelessly had dared to disturb him was definitely not one of those people.  </p><p>“Hey guys, watcha doin’? You seem like havin’ fun without me," blond locks of hairs appeared next to them. “Iwaizumi san, didn’t notice ya were here with Omi kun and Wakatoshi.” He said, obviously lying. </p><p>Sakusa felt annoyance raising in his body. He knew Atsumu always took care of his hands, after all, he was a setter. And yet, the image of his hand on his shoulder disgusted him. He wasn’t a fan of human contact. Atsumu Miya knew it, but he was a pain in the ass and probably, was doing this on purpose. Sakusa, however, was prepared for unwanted people like him.</p><p>“We are not interested in talking to compulsive liars. Get away from here, we are busy.” Sakusa said with a dark frown while he sprayed some disinfectant over his shoulder, on Atsumu’s hand. </p><p>Atsumu’s face turned into a grimace when he felt the wet and cold drops of disinfectant on his bare skin.</p><p>“What the hell, Omi kun! Don’t spray that shit over my hand” he said taking off the hand from Sakusa’s shoulder. “Where the fuck did you even get that from?”</p><p>“Sakusa always travels with disinfectant and some other useful tools, which honestly, I consider really useful.” Said Ushijima with a serious face, there was no sarcasm on that statement. </p><p>“Easy, guys. Let’s not start any fights,” Iwaizumi said laughing and crossing his arms.</p><p>“Atsumu, stop bothering Sakusa.” Said a deep and well-articulated voice. Oijiro Aran stood next to Atsumu. He was carrying some of his luggage in a small traveling bag.</p><p>“I ain’t bothering him. He was the one that sprayed some shit on my hand.” Atsumu complained yelling.</p><p>“Sakusa did what?” someone giggled behind them like trying to suppress a laughter. “What on earth did you do, Miya? Touched him?” he said finally laughing. And for the second time in less than 5 minutes, Sakusa’s heart raced. He would recognize that voice and that laughter anywhere in this world. </p><p>“Nice to see all of you, guys” Komori said, and Sakusa didn’t need to turn around and see him to know Komori had a big smile on his face. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The Japanese National Volleyball bus was a noisy mess with wheels.  Hinata was already fighting over stupid things with Kageyama. While Bokuto seemed surprised over any small detail. Atsumu wouldn’t stop with the idiotic jokes while Aran would try to make him low the pitch. Hoshiumi was braging about something with Hinata, even though the last one kept going with the fighting. </p><p>Iwaizumi was explaining something to some other players that attentive were listening to him. He was a good athletic trainer, and in the middle of that chaos, one of the few things that made the trip to the Olympic Village something bearable. Of course, Ushijima was one of these things too. The man was sitting next to him, quiet and with his eyes closed. </p><p>And just a few sits away from there, at the other side of the bus corridor, it was Komori. </p><p>His cousin was sitting next to Suna Rintarou, an Inarizaki grad and Komori’s current teammate from EPJ. Suna had his phone out and it seemed like he was showing something to him. Sakusa could recognize some fun in those plain eyes of his. Meanwhile Komori was laughing over whatever Suna was showing him, getting a little bit too close to the fox in order to have a better view on the phone screen. </p><p>Sakusa felt his stomach clench. He decided to look away getting lost on his own thoughts.</p><p>After laughing over the knowledge of Sakusa spraying disinfectant on Atsumu’s hand, Komori had greeted everyone. He did some chatting, but not only once he did speak directly to Sakusa. If Sakusa hadn't known better, he would say Komori was avoiding his gaze. Some minutes after his arrival, Suna Rintarou had low key joined the group, and 10 minutes later they got into the bus and started their journey to the Olympic Village.</p><p>After almost an hour, they had finally arrived. They left the bus peacefully, thank God, and started walking to their rooms. Every athlete would have an assigned roommate from the team. And for Sakusa’s misfortune, he wasn’t assigned to Ushijima. Instead, he would be with Yaku Morisuke. Although he wasn’t exactly the libero he would like to share a room, he knew Yaku was one of the best options. The small libero was a teaser, but only with the people that deserve it. Thigs would surely go smoothly with him as his roommate. </p><p>Ushijima, on the other hand, was going to share room with Atsumu, while Komori would be spending the hosting with Kageyama. </p><p>“The smell!” said a voice that came from a carrot head. “It’s always amazing in these places!”</p><p>“Right!? Right!?” repeated the eager voice of Bokuto. “I wonder what they are using here.”</p><p>“Do you want me to ask, Bokuto-san?” asked Hinata</p><p>“Naaah, no need t, my disciple.” He replied to him.</p><p>Sakusa was some steps behind them, following the path to their rooms.</p><p>“Roses laundry soap.” he muttered.</p><p>“Huh? Is that it? Woah, Sakusa, I’m impressed you can recognize the exact fragrance of laundry soap.” Exclaimed Yaku, who was walking besides him, close enough to hear.</p><p>“Home, “He said behind his mask. “It’s what home smells like.”</p><p> </p><p><b>July 24</b><br/>
It had been two weeks since their arrival into the Olympic Village. The Olympic games had begun the day before and the Japanese National team had won their first match from the preliminaries against Venezuela. The heat of their first triumph felt in their bodies, but the path to the gold had still many days left. It was a Saturday night. Some of them were willing to go out and celebrate, but not Sakusa. In fact, he was willing to get into the showers as soon as possible and have dinner to recover some energy. After that, he would happily go to sleep. Resting your body was far more important than celebrating a simple match.  </p><p>Importunely, he got a small cramp on his left calf. So instead of going directly into the showers, he decided to have Iwaizumi check on it. Almost limping, he headed towards the athletic trainer that was standing close to the bleachers. Komori was nowhere to be seen. They hadn’t talked more than the necessary to keep up with the trainings and matches. Now Sakusa was sure his cousin was avoiding him, and as a matter of fact, his heart sank a little bit more every time this happened.</p><p>He made it next to where Iwaizumi was standing and told him about the ache on his calf. Iwaizumi immediately took him into a big medical tent and asked him to lie on a white stretcher. Then, he carefully started pressing his hands against Sakusa’s calf while asking some questions. </p><p>After ten long minutes, he seemed to be finally done with it.</p><p>“Nothing serious, you were using your muscles a lot in the match. It’s the usual sore.” Iwaizumi said with a calm voice while giving the last massages to the muscle.<br/>
“Thank you for helping me.”</p><p>“It’s my job, isn’t it?” he said with a kind look.</p><p>“Yeah, it is.” Sakusa replied dumbly.</p><p>“Alright. It should be enough with the lotion I applied. But if the pain comes back, take this pill. It will help.”</p><p>“Okay. I’ll do it. Thank you again, Iwaizumi san.”</p><p>“Nothing to thanks. I’m sorry this took more time than expected. I know you like to take showers right after the matches.”</p><p>“I do. But honestly maybe it’s better this way. I can avoid the crowded showers if I wait a little bit longer.”</p><p>“Good point. Then it should be okay if you go in five or ten minutes.”</p><p>“I’ll go for ten.”</p><p> </p><p>Ten minutes passed and Sakusa started making his way into the showers. He had already prepared a bag with all the stuff he would need to take a shower after the match.<br/>
When he finally reached the facilities, his gaze was on the floor and his mind absorbed into his own thoughts. He put down his bag at the end of a red bench and started taking off his clothes. First, he got rid of his sweaty jersey, revealing a nice torso with 6 well-toned abs on his pale delicate skin. Then, he folded the dirty jersey and put it in a different bag he had for dirty clothes.  When he was about to pull down his shorts, Sakusa froze, suddenly realizing he was not alone in that room. Some meters away, at the other end of the bench, leaning forward slightly and with his finger on the rubber band of his underwear, the figure of another player stood. Wearing only a pair of dark blue boxers that matched with his blue eyes wide open, there was his cousin, Komori Motoya.</p><p> </p><p><b>17 years ago</b><br/>
It’s a boring summer day. Kiyoomi has completed all his puzzles. He is tired of reading; he studied, and he even watched some cartoons on the tv. There’s not much to do. His brother is gone for university and his sister is now preparing herself to do the same. It’s summer break, but she sure is busy with all the books she must read. </p><p>His parents are away for work. The usual thing. And as usual as it is, he’s by himself, not finding something else to do. Maybe he could try some videogames? He’s not a big fan, but most of them are long, so they can keep him busy. </p><p>And then it happens. The house bell starts making noise. He hears her sister standing up and running downstairs to attend the door. It’s weird that she interrupts her studies to open when she could easily ask him to do so. Maybe it’s one of her friends that comes to their house to study together. But soon, his theory is broken, his sister calls his given name from the first floor.</p><p>“Kiyoomi chan!” she yells.</p><p>Surprised, Kiyoomi stands up from his bed and calmly starts going downstair as well.</p><p>When he reaches the hallway, he sees a woman at the door. The first thing Kiyoomi notices is she has black curly hair, just like him. She resembles his father, but just a little bit. She has deep blue eyes and a warm smile. She is not very tall, but Kiyoomi can say she is above the average.</p><p>Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow, a habit he has when he asks questions without using words. He gets closer to the door, and the woman sees him and leans down a little bit to greet.</p><p>“Hi! You must be Kiyoomi chan, am I right?” she says, holding the smile.</p><p>“Yes.” He answers and he says no more because he doesn’t know what else he should add to answer a stranger.</p><p>“I am Komori san, your dad’s younger sister. I’ve met you before, but you were too young to remember.” She said, maybe figuring out the questions in Kiyoomi’s mind. “It’s nice to see you again.” </p><p>Kiyoomi stares at his sister, a little bit doubtfully. It’s true that the woman resembles his father. But he didn’t know his father had a younger sister. In fact, he doesn’t know a lot about his relatives. His parents work and travel a lot around the country, so there is not a lot of time for family gatherings. And they moved back into Tokyo just a few months ago and had no idea they had relatives living in the same city.</p><p>His sister nods and starts talking.</p><p>“Say hello to Aunt Komori, Kiyoomi chan.” She said and smiles too.</p><p>“Hello, nice to meet you.” Kiyoomi mutters politely. </p><p>The woman- better said his aunt – looks at him fondly, and Kiyoomi can’t help it but feel like she can see through his eyes, although he knows that’s impossible.<br/>
“Kiyoomi chan,” his aunt resumes. “Would you like to come to my house today? If you have nothing to do, you could spend the day there, I have a son about your age, and I think you both would get along.”</p><p>Kiyoomi is not sure he wants to go. He doesn’t like kids that much. They are noisy and messy and most times, stupid. But he knows it would be rude to reject his aunt’s invitation, so he nods not minding hiding the plain look on his eyes.</p><p>The woman claps excitedly and straightens his body announcing they are leaving right away.</p><p>He puts his shoes on while his sister happily chats with his aunt. Komori san asks about his parents and his older brother. She says how big his sister is now and how beautiful she has become. Her sister thanks her, not only for the compliment, but also for taking Kiyoomi to her house. Komori san handles a pink container to his sister; he suspects it has food inside. They say their goodbyes and leave the house. They walk just a few blocks, no more than 5 minutes away and it’s done. A quick trip, Sakusa thinks. </p><p>The Komori house is pretty much okay. That’s what Kiyoomi thinks as first instance. The house is not as big as his, but it is. Everything seems to be on its place and smells nicely, like fresh air, with a sweet touch of roses laundry soap. Komori san points to a pair of small yellow slippers that seems comfortable. He changes his footwear and follows his aunt into the house.  </p><p>She announces their arrival and walks to the living room. There are three people here, and Kiyoomi assumes, they must be Aunt Komori’s children. A girl, probably some years older than him, says hello immediately. She has long hair and lies on the couch reading a book.  A small girl painting on the floor looks at him curiously. She has short hair and can’t be more than five years old. The third child is a boy with blue eyes that seem to glisten.  Maybe he was watching the tv since he’s in front of it. The boy looks directly at his direction and greets him with a bright smile and inviting eyes. Kiyoomi has never found such excitement in someone’s face, not for something as trivial as this, at least. He blushes without noticing, and he bows slightly to say hello. None of them look like his aunt. He wonders if they are really her children. They have bushy eyebrows and their hair is brown. All of them have big eyes that shine the same brown, except for the boy whose eyes are as blue as his aunt.</p><p>“Listen everyone,” his aunt begins to say, “He is your cousin, Sakusa Kiyoomi. Please be nice with him and make him feel at home.” Her children nod almost at the same time. Ten she adds “Toya chan, maybe you and Kiyoomi could play together in your room while I prepare dinner.” She smiles.</p><p>The kid nods eagerly while standing up from the floor. </p><p>“Come on, Kiyoomi, there’s lots of things we can play together” he says grabbing Kiyoomi’s wrist to pull him out of the living room. Kiyoomi doesn’t have time to answer, they are already going upstairs.</p><p>But his eyes widen with the contact, and subtly he frees himself from the boy’s hand. He follows, though, because there’s nothing else he can do.</p><p> </p><p>They reach the boy’s bedroom and Kiyoomi is surprised it’s cleaner and tidier than expected. Not bad, he thinks. He walks inside slowly, timidly looking around. Then the boy speaks.</p><p>“So, what do you want to play, Kiyoomi?” he asks.</p><p>“Whatever is not too easy or gross,” Kiyoomi answers. </p><p>Motoya looks at him and laughs. Kiyoomi doesn’t know what is so fun to laugh like that.</p><p>“Okay then, I have some boardgames, let’s play them. But I must tell you, I’m really good at them, I hope you don’t mind losing every time,” they boy brags. “By the way. My name is Motoya.”</p><p><i>Motoya, huh?</i> Kiyoomi doesn’t know why but he likes the name. Of course, he doesn’t think of ever telling Motoya about it.</p><p>They play boardgames for some hours, Kiyoomi wins all the games and rounds. He makes fun of the boy that bragged about being the best. Motoya frowns but never gives up, never loses his smile. Kiyoomi decides he doesn’t dislike his cousin; in fact, he finds him funny. It’s okay to spend time with him. He’s not annoying, it’s better than being bored at his house, he guesses.</p><p> </p><p>Dinnertime comes and they have dinner together. He meets his aunt’s husband and understand where the brown hair and big eyes comes from. </p><p>They are a nice family. The food is yummy and healthy. The mood is peaceful and relaxing. It feels okay. It feels warm.</p><p>“Mom, Dad, can Kiyoomi spend the night here?” Motoya suddenly asks. </p><p>“Sure, only if Kiyoomi wants to and his parents allow it,” his aunt answers.</p><p>“What do you say Kiyoomi? Want to stay? You can sleep in my bedroom, and tomorrow we can go together to the volleyball club.”</p><p>Volleyball? Kiyoomi wonders. He has never played volleyball before. He’s not sure if he wants to go, but he has nothing else to do and no reasons to say no, so he accepts. </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>“You’ll see, we will have lots of fun!” Motoya almost yells and happily takes a bite into his mouth.</p><p>“Well, then. I’ll call your parents to tell them.” His aunt says. </p><p> </p><p>It’s time to sleep. They have taken baths. Now he’s wearing some clean pajamas his aunt gave to him. They are in Motoya’s room. They are sharing his bed. The bed is soft, with enough space for both. </p><p>Kiyoomi has never liked to be too close to people. But strangely, he doesn’t dislike being close to Motoya. He likes his scent. And he likes his smiles. He is fun to be around.  </p><p> </p><p>“Kiyoomi?” Motoya whispers “are you awake”.</p><p>“I am” Kiyoomi replies. </p><p>“Thank you for staying,” he starts. “You’ll see, tomorrow will be even better.” Kiyoomi cant’s see Motoya’s face in the dark, but he could swear Motoya is smiling. </p><p>He finds himself smiling too. But Motoya can’t see him because the room is dark and he’s glad he can’t.</p><p>“Sure” he answers. And he feels Motoya’s fingers brushing his. He knows it’s not intentional. Motoya is already half asleep. But Kiyoomi doesn’t mind taking his fingers away from the touch. So, he doesn’t. He’s happy he has found someone he doesn’t dislike, and the best part is, that someone doesn’t dislike him either.</p><p>Eventually, Kiyoomi falls asleep too. They both dream, and innocently, intertwine their fingers in their sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's it for now.<br/>I hope to find the time to write faster. I'd really love to keep writing this and finishing it.</p><p>Also, thank you to the ones that took the time to read this and left your kudos. I'm so thankful to you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sakusa and Komori finally speak again. However, there are things still to be said.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is longer than the last ones. I think i did a decent job with this one, so I hope you like it.<br/>Also, there's some smut at the end of the chapter, so make sure to read the tags in case you don't feel comfortable with it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Motoya?” </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Have you ever kissed someone?”</p><p>Motoya stopped walking and looked at Sakusa with wide eyes. The question had obviously caught him by surprise. After all, Sakusa wasn’t the kind of person who was interested in romantic relationships or kissing. But after realizing most of his classmates and teammates were indeed into this, sometimes too noisy no to be heard, he started wondering if his cousin, too, was someone willing to know about kissing and dating girls. </p><p>They were returning home after practice, both wearing their winter uniforms even though it was still autumn in a late October. With the sun about to set, everything around them was covered in gold, bathed in the orange of sunset. Komori watched Sakusa a little incredulously. His eyes that reflected the light flashed curiosity.</p><p>“I have.” He answered. Still not moving, keeping his eyes on Sakusa’s. “Why do you ask?”</p><p>“Just curious.” Sakusa replied. And it was true. “Who? When?” he asked again. And for someone that never minds more than his own business, he knew he was asking too many personal questions. But Komori didn’t seem to care, now his incredulous face had become a teasing smirk Sakusa knew he wouldn’t like at all.</p><p>“Aren’t we supposed to say the sin but not the sinners?” he gave as an answer, resuming the walking back home. Sakusa only raised an eyebrow, resuming his steps too.</p><p>“Fine.” He said, deciding he didn’t care that much anyways.</p><p>“Hey, I’m kidding hahaha. I’ll tell you. No secrets between us, okay?” Komori said smiling widely and posing a hand on Sakusa’s shoulder. </p><p>“I kissed a girl in our first year of high school. Nothing especial, it was more like a bet for her and I just helped.” He said casually. Then he moved his lips again, as if he wanted to say something more but then regret it since no words came out of his mouth. </p><p>“And…?” Sakusa asked, knowing his cousin was not over yet. </p><p>Komori’s lip pouted for a few seconds, he seemed kind of troubled.</p><p>“Well…” he started, “I have kissed someone else… But, am… Kiyoomi?” he called, now grabbing Sakusa’s sleeve softly. They stopped walking again. Komori was not looking at him anymore, now his gaze focused on his other side.</p><p>“Yes?” Sakusa replied, feeling curious again. It was not usual to see this kind of behavior in Komori, he looked a little bit troubled and timid? Something Sakusa didn’t know could be a mood on him.</p><p>“Whatever I tell you, will you promise you won’t hate me or something?” he said, reflecting some kind of worrisome on his blue orbs.</p><p>“You know I won’t.” Sakusa answered, convinced he wouldn’t. As if he could. As if it was possible to hate Komori. Whatever it was, he knew he could never hate him. But now he was more intrigued by his attitude.</p><p>“Promise it” Komori required. “Whatever it is, you won’t judge me nor hate me. We will continue to be… us.” He sentenced. Raising his little finger to seal the deal.</p><p>Sakusa looked at his cousin’s pinkie and raised his own, but before lacing them to make their promise something legit, he asked.</p><p>“Did you kiss a dog or something like that?” Sakusa asked making a disgusted face.</p><p>“Ughhh No! of course not, Kiyoomi!”</p><p>“Then yes. I promise it.” </p><p>They intertwined their fingers. The touch was firm and warm. Komori smiled broadly and Sakusa did too, only that he did it slightly, hidden behind his mask.</p><p>Then Komori sighed and proceeded to speak.</p><p>“I kissed a guy… “he confessed so quietly it was almost a whisper. “Well, more like he kissed me… and am, I didn’t dislike it. I found it just okay.”</p><p>Now it was Sakusa’s turn to be surprised. He had never contemplated the possibility of Komori being into boys. He wasn’t sure about what to say, he didn’t have any problem with it, but he knew what that could mean.</p><p>“So… do you like boys?”</p><p>“Mmm well, I don’t dislike them… I guess I just like people and that’s it.”</p><p>Sakusa thought for a moment, it kind of made sense for him. The idea of just liking people. Despite what most people around believed or said, it really wasn’t such a big deal, right?”</p><p>“Okay. That’s fine. I don’t think I hate you, not for that at least.” Sakusa finally said. His voice was flat, and he had a serious expression on his face, but Komori knew he was trying to tease him.</p><p>“Oh, come on Kiyoomi! You just said you won’t hate me, no matter what.” Komori punched Sakusa’s shoulder. “Let’s come back home. It’s getting late and cooler. Jeez, the wind it’s getting sharp too, my hands are cold now.” Komori complained, as he walked.</p><p>Sakusa walked too, posing himself by Komori’s side. His shoulders brushing with every step they were taking. Sakusa had his hands inside his jacket pockets, he slowly moved the hand that faced Komori’s side, making some space inside the garment. Komori noticed immediately and grinned, a soft expression formed in his eyes. He gently slid his own hand into the pocket, under Sakusa’s hand. And just like that, they held hands while kept walking home.</p><p>They made his way in silence for a few minutes, until Komori decided to break it.</p><p>“What about you? Have you ever kissed someone?” he asked, and Sakusa was amazed he hadn’t asked right after he answered the same question.</p><p>“No, and it’s not like I’m looking forward to it either.” </p><p>“I supposed to.” Komori said. “Want me to teach you?” he suddenly asked sounding hell serious about it.</p><p>Sakusa’s heart skipped a beat. He got silent for a moment. Suddenly the thought of Komori kissing him didn’t disgust him… In fact… In fact, it kind of appealed him. But that couldn’t be right at all… and he knew Komori was probably just joking, trying to get on his nerves.</p><p>“You’re gross.” He told him after some seconds.</p><p>Komori only giggled. “It took you a moment to decide, huh?” he said with a smirk and teasing eyes.</p><p>“I was trying to find a way to kindly reject your offer”. Sakusa teased too.</p><p>“Oh sure, because telling people they are gross is super kind. Kiyoomi, you really need to work on your definition of kindness.” Komori sarcastically shot back, still giggling. Pressing stronger the hand he was holding inside the pocket.</p><p>Sakusa held firmly, not ever thinking on letting go of that hand. Komori started talking about nonsense stuff. The usual chatting about his day. His excitements and complains. And just then, Sakusa realized how much he liked this. How much he enjoyed every moment he spent with his cousin. The warm touch of his hands, his blue eyes, his bushy eyebrows, his facial expressions, the sound of his voice and the way he always giggled and laughed. And suddenly he wondered, how would it feel like, to kiss and be kissed by those lips… A strange feeling grew inside his chest. It felt different, but at the same time, it felt okay. Like the sudden flight of birds. Like flowers blooming in spring. So natural and beautiful, just the way it had to be.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The weather had been freezing today, it was already evening and everything outside was dark. They were in Komori’s room doing some school assignments before having dinner. They were sitting on the floor, a small wooden table in front of them, full of books and notebooks and some school supplies. </p><p>Sakusa had been so concentrated on his own assignment that he didn’t realized Komori had fallen asleep. It wasn’t until he heard the soft snores that silently came from him that he notices. They sounded peaceful and relaxed. He wondered if Komori had finished his assignments, but whatever the case, he didn’t want to disturb him, deciding not to wake him up. </p><p>Komori slept soundly, resting his head on her right arm while his left hand clenched into a small fist on his lap. His breath came and went smoothly, filling his lungs with air. And his face was that of an exhausted child peacefully resting after a full day of games. It was such a tender image that Sakusa couldn't help staring at him with affection in his eyes. He already knew it, he knew that although incorrect, his heart belonged to the person peacefully snoring in front of him. He wasn't sure when he had fallen so hard for him, the only thing he knew was that right now, it was as if he had fallen for Komori again. That he was madly in love with everything Komori was. In love with his features, his voice, and everything that came from him. In love with who they became every time they were together, every time they shared a moment of their lives, no matter how insignificant it was. He knew he shouldn't. He knew that the moment he finally understood what the pressure on his chest meant, he should have stopped it. He must have halted those feelings that although pleasant, also filled him with an extraordinary guilt. Yet he let them be, growing inside strongly. It was as if even before Komori had come into his life, he had already been in love with him.</p><p>Komori sighed sleepily, his eyelashes falling gently over his eyes, slightly trembling. Maybe he was dreaming, and whatever it was, it must have been something good, for a small smile was drawn on his lips, a little apart from each other. Then Sakusa wondered again how it would feel like to kiss them… He leaned on the table as well, towards Komori, still looking at him. He lifted his left arm and with his hand he reached for locks of brown hair that fell over his cousin's rosy cheek. Sakusa gently slid them behind Komori’s ear so he could get a better sight of him.</p><p>Without even analyzing it, he slowly brought his face closer until he was only a few inches from Komori. He could feel the warm breath rushing every time Komori exhaled. And in a sigh, Sakusa inhaled all of Komori’s essence filling his body with it. Lost in the moment, he closed the inches that kept them apart, and squinting his eyes he pressed his lips against Komori's, sealing them in the most tender of kisses. It was a small kiss, and yet Sakusa thought that if paradise existed, this was probably the closest he would get to it. </p><p>After a few seconds, which for him had been the most beautiful of eternities, he pulled away from Komori, now burying his face between both arms on the wooden table. He could feel the heat spreading from his cheeks up his ears. He had just done something totally reckless; Komori might have woken up and then everything would have gone to hell. The bubble that had formed in that moment had been finally broken, and now his stomach was flooded with a mixture of feelings that contradicted each other.<br/>
He felt his stomach slowly shrink, and he began to feel sick. What he had just done hadn't been right at all. The world around him lost its brightness and he felt as if he were sinking into a strange darkness where he was singled out and judged. Unable to move, afraid of waking up Komori to be found in that state, he decided to stay there. His body was tense. Sakusa wanted to escape but where could he go? There was no place to hide when the guilt lied within him, slowly consuming him.</p><p> </p><p><b>TODAY</b><br/>
Sakusa felt paralyzed, completely forgetting that he was about to drop his pants. On the other hand, Komori looked just as surprised as he was. Neither of them seemed to know what to say, this was a stupid coincidence, a joke of some god who, with nothing else to do, had decided to have a great time with them. Komori cleared his throat, and pulling a towel from his sports bag, he finally spoke. </p><p>"Hey, how is your leg?" he asked as he wrapped the towel around his waist.</p><p>“what?” Sakusa said at first. Komori didn’t repeat his question. “Ahh, my leg. Yes. Okay. It’s okay.” He didn’t move. He was almost half naked but too puzzled to do something. The image he was offering was probably idiotic, and he just confirmed his thoughts when Komori looked away, trying not to laugh. </p><p>“Good, that’s good.” He said forcing a plain face. Suppressing a smirk. “So what? Are you planning on staying only in your shorts forever? I didn’t know Sakusa was that kind of person.” Komori teased finally giggling. </p><p>A giggle. He was giggling. Sakusa’s body relaxed even though the used of the family name. But once his brain analyzed what Komori had just said his face fell into a grimace and he squinted his eyes. If his cheeks had turned a little crimson because of it, Komori pretended well he didn’t notice, for not more teasing came from his mouth.</p><p>Sakusa gasped, proceeding to keep undressing himself. </p><p>“Why, would Komori like that?” he shot back also using the family name. Two could play this game. A mocking smirk spread on his face.</p><p>“Nah, you are not that lucky.” He said while throwing a second towel from his bag towards Sakusa’s head. “Say, want to shower together? Just to remember the old times.” Komori shrugged pretending false innocence and winking his left eye. It had been a long time, but Komori was still Komori. A fucking teaser. </p><p>“You are not that lucky.” He replied, throwing back the towel with such strength and speed Komori didn’t even have time to stop it. The towel smacked his head directly in the face. </p><p>“Asshole” but no harm was meant with that word. Komori folded the towel by the middle and hang it on his shoulder. “I’m going first, then.” He said and gave Sakusa a fond smile.</p><p>Komori turn on his toes to make his way to the showers, but before he disappeared into the shower corridor, Sakusa impulsively called him.</p><p>“Motoya?” he spited out not noticing he had casually called him by his given name. Komori stopped right away but didn’t turned around. He moved his head slightly to the right though, revealing half of his face. </p><p>“Want to have dinner together?” Sakusa asked feeling a pressure on his belly. He didn’t know why he was asking this all of a sudden. Komori was a social person, he probably had plans with someone else already and he would politely reject Sakusa’s invitation for sure.</p><p>Komori went silent for a few second that felt like minutes until he replied.</p><p>“Sure,” he said. “I’ll be waiting for you.” Then he disappeared.</p><p>*</p><p>Sakusa went out from his shower after 10 minutes. He made sure to relax his muscles under the warm water. He dried his hair and applied some lotion to moisturize his skin. He put on clean clothes. A pair of black sportive pants and a white t-shirt. Then he put on his mask.<br/>
Outside, leaning against the wall, Komori was waiting for him. He was wearing loosen black shorts that fell over his knees and under the shorts, long sports leggings of the same color. As a top, he wore a pale blue t-shirt.<br/>
Komori was frenetically typing something on his phone. Sakusa had always found surprising how fast his cousin could type. When Komori noticed him, he quickly locked his phone and greeted him again.</p><p>“Hey” he said.</p><p>“Hey.” Sakusa answered. Both looked at each other, no words coming. </p><p>“The food from the cafeteria is a little bit shitty, want to have dinner outside?” Komori suggested.</p><p>“Sure, let’s go find a good restaurant.” </p><p>“I heard there’s a nice place 10 minutes from here. It’s not that popular so not many people go there but… they sell a good umeboshi.” </p><p>Sakusa looked at him a little bit startled. Komori still remembered, of course.  </p><p>“The fewer people, the better.” He responded.</p><p>They walked the ten minutes trip to the restaurant almost in complete silent. Sakusa had never been the one to do the talking, it had always been Komori and he had always been happy to listen. But right now, Komori was quiet, still, he didn’t seem uncomfortable. Maybe he had changed in the last 3 years they didn’t talk, and Komori wasn’t that chatty anymore. Maybe. Sakusa really doubted it, but then again, he didn’t have an answer for the absence of words.</p><p>They came to the place Komori had heard about. It was a small business that sold traditional Japanese food. It was not a very elegant or large place, the decoration was not something of another world either. It was more like a little house where you could have a good time while having something to eat. Despite the small clientele, the few people who were there - mostly older adults - seemed happy with the food. The place was also neat and orderly, which gave it quite a few points on the scale of Sakusa, who usually preferred to eat at home.</p><p>The boys took a seat at a table that was at the back of the place, a little away from the elderly. A young waitress with a friendly face came up to them at once, offering them a couple of drinks and recommending some dishes. Komori gave her a friendly smile, and with her kind voice accepted one of the girl's recommendations. The waitress seemed to blush a bit, she smiled shyly and when she finished taking the order of both she disappeared into the kitchen. Sakusa could notice how from time to time, the girl directed furtive glances towards their table, perhaps seeking to meet Komori.</p><p>Sakusa felt annoyed but decided to ignore it.</p><p>“How did you know?” he asked Komori.</p><p>“What? How did I know what?” Komori asked visible confused.</p><p>“About my leg.” He said.</p><p>“Oh that! I saw you limping on Iwaizumi san’s direction.” </p><p>Komori didn’t say more and Sakusa only nodded. Then Komori looked at him as if waiting for something. Her lips bulged into a small pout that Sakusa found cute.</p><p>“So… is any special reason you wanted to have dinner together?” he finally asked taking Sakusa by surprise.</p><p>He wondered if he, indeed, had a special reason for it. It felt more like something that came to him just by pure reflection before letting Komori go again. However, he suspected there were some answers he was looking for.</p><p>“You were avoiding me.” Was the first thing he spitted. </p><p>“Oh, you noticed.” Komori said. And there was no sign of teasing in his voice.</p><p>“Then it’s true.” Sakusa said, feeling a weight in his stomach.</p><p>“I thought you didn’t want me near you… “he said lowering his gaze to look at his hands.</p><p>“What? Why the heck wouldn’t I?” Sakusa said, and maybe his voice sounded a little bit upset.</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know, Sakusa. You tell me. It’s been more than 3 years. You never called. Not even a fucking message, huh?” he said looking at him with incredulous eyes, and now Sakusa could feel the bitterness in Komori’s tone.</p><p>“Well you didn’t call either… “Sakusa said almost mumbling, averting his gaze from Komori’s eyes.</p><p>Sakusa wasn't sure why Komori seemed hurt by the thing he had just said, but he could find some indignation in his blue eyes. Komori semeed puzzled and upset. And when he thought that he was about to fire a merciless reply they got interrupted by the waitress who was looking at them curiously. </p><p>“Your order is ready” she said cheerfully. However, she soon felt the tense atmosphere that had suddenly grown between them. “Is everything alright?” she asked. </p><p>“Yes, everything is fine.” Komori answered immediately, forcing a smile.</p><p>“Okay then, call me if you need something.” She offered smiling again then turning around to leave.</p><p>Sakusa wanted to ask more questions. He wanted to understand why Komori seemed so upset… but mostly, why neither of them tried to keep in touch with the other. Maybe it had been just a misunderstanding. Maybe both were waiting for the other one to make a movement.</p><p>“Komori I…” but Komori cut him in.</p><p>“Let’s eat, Sakusa. Let’s eat and then… I just want to come back to the dorms.” His voice sounded terribly sad. Sakusa wasn’t sure he had any appetite left to eat, but he forced himself to do so. They needed the energy. So, they started eating quietly. </p><p>They finished dinner and paid the bill. Komori stood up and headed out of the restaurant without saying a word or even looking at Sakusa. Sakusa followed immediately, walking a few steps behind him. He knew that once they got back to the dorms, he wouldn't have another chance, and he wasn't about to let go of it. He had no plan, no arguments. He didn't quite understand what the problem was, but he understood that admitting it would only bring him more trouble with Komori. So, he decided that the only thing he could do was being honest, with himself and with Komori. </p><p>"Motoya," he said, calling his given name once more, knowing that Komori would at least stop to listen. "I'm sorry." he murmured clearly enough to be heard. And he really was sorry. He regretted being stupid enough to let so much time go by.</p><p>“I’m sorry I never called… I’ve missed you.” he said in a shaky voice. And in his throat, he felt a lump that would not let him say much more. It was strange, in all this time he hadn't exactly felt sad or nostalgic, but right now, behind Komori, it was as if the feelings of longing he had buried deep inside him were overflowing.</p><p>Komori turned around and looked at him directly into his dark eyes, maybe searching for any sight of lies. “You mean it?” he asked. And Sakusa did mean it, but couldn’t say more, he only nodded.</p><p>Komori sighed, and his body seemed less tense that a few moments ago.</p><p>“I’m sorry too. I may have overreacted. We are at the Olympics, playing for the national team… Let’s just enjoy, okay? Let’s just forget about whatever happened before. I can’t stand the awkwardness anymore… so please, let’s just be us. At least while we’re here.” He said and get a step closer to Sakusa. It was dark already, but the shops around gave them enough light to be able to see each other’s faces. </p><p>“Okay. Let’s be us.” Sakusa agreed. And he wanted to add that not only while they were there, but from now on. Go back to normal, as much as possible. </p><p>With that said, they set off again. More relaxed than before, they began to catch up with their lives. One night was not enough to update three years of information, but it was a start. Sakusa told Komori about his relationship with Ushijima and how they had decided to break up when the latter had to leave for Poland. Komori listened attentively to every little detail of the story. On his side, Komori told him about his family, new friends and teammates. Sakusa, like someone who doesn't want the thing, asked him about Suna. Komori chuckled, and assured him that there was nothing between them, although he did not leave out the possibility of starting something in the future. Sakusa changed the topic, he wasn't interested in anything that had to do with Suna Rintarou.</p><p>They arrived at the building where they were staying and without agreeing to do so, they both went to a common area with seats and tables. Absorbed in their conversation, they did not realize the time until it was almost midnight.</p><p>“It’s late. We should probably sleep now. The coach will scold us if he finds out we are unveiling.”</p><p>“Yeah, let’s go to sleep. We need to rest. We’re facing Canada next Monday.” Said Sakusa while taking out his phone. He started typing something. </p><p>Curious, Komori craned his head to take a look at whatever Sakusa was writing. However, Sakusa raised his arms, aparting the device from Komori's range, leaving it above his height. Komori grunted.</p><p>“Come on, Sakusa. Don’t be an idiot” he said looking up to the phone above his head. “What’s the secret, why won’t you let me see?” he inquired, but Sakusa didn’t need to give an answer. As soon as he finished typing Komori’s phone beeped. Surprise, he reached for his phone in the pocket of his bag. His eyes widen as soon as he saw the screen. Then he truly smiled, now staring at Sakusa, who had already lowered his arms and put his phone back in his bag. </p><p>“I hate you.” Komori said sighing, love reflected on his pupils. </p><p>“Do you?” Sakusa asked, looking at him plain serious. </p><p>“Let’s go to sleep.” He said pulling Sakusa’s arm with both hands, and then pushing him over from his back. </p><p>They walked towards the bedrooms like that, Komori's hands gently pushing against Sakusa's back, effortlessly. The room that Komori shared with Kageyama was before Sakusa and Yaku's. They arrive in it and settled in front of the door.</p><p>“Then I guess I’ll see you around.” Komori said, yawning. </p><p>“Sure. Sleep tight.” He said, but didn’t move from place. “Go ahead.”</p><p>Komori opened the door of his room and went inside. Sakusa turned around his feet to leave, but Komori talked again from inside the dorm.<br/>
“Kiyoomi?” he uttered and Sakusa stopped, heart pounding. “I missed you too.” he stated as he dissapeared behind the door.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>To: Motoya<br/>
From: Kiyoomi</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“… y a veces, no pocas, te extrañaba como si supiera que me hacías falta.”</i>
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Sakusa was sitting on that long red bench in the shower room. He felt his body burn, his breath hitched. His hands clenched into fists, pulling strands of brown hair tightly. Then he realized that he was completely erect and wet. Between his legs, Komori licked his member without shame. His little pink tongue protruded from his slightly open mouth on a totally aroused face. He licked delicately from the bottom to the top, closing his lips on the tip of the cock, swirling his tongue in little circles as he sucked hard ojust on the head. Sakusa gasped. The image of Komori performing oral sex on him was fucking erotic. His mind quickly clouded, confused. A part of him knew this wasn't right, that it couldn't be true. Still, it felt good. Sakusa didn't want to stop. And as if reading his thoughts, Komori slid his lips to the lower part of his shaft, sucking his testicles, while one of his hands wrapped his cock tightly, sliding up and down in a smooth but firm movement. Komori let out small moans from his mouth as he continued to suck on the bottom, his tongue exploring every inch of Sakusa's balls. The image suddenly changed, and now Komori was putting Sakusa's erect and hard member into his mouth, sliding his lips in one movement, devouring his cock completely. Sakusa let out a grunt full of pleasure. He couldn't help it, he lifted his hips at the same time that his hands, still stretching Komori's hair, pushed down hard. And in a frantic move, he began to desperately fuck Komori's mouth. Komori didn't seem to care, his breathing went erratic with each moan. His eyes wet, covered in tears that fell down his cheek as he was mouth-fucked. And his rosy cheeks flushed more and more, as his fingers gripped Sakusa's thighs, driving his nails into them. Then Sakusa stopped, and now he saw Komori, still kneeling between his legs. His lips centimeters apart from Sakusa's erection. A string of saliva and precum joining them. </p><p>"Kiyoomi ..." he said in a small voice, panting and shaking. "Fuck me. I want to feel your cock inside me." </p><p>They were no longer in the locker room. The scene had changed. They were both in one of the showers, Komori pressed against the wall, and Sakusa grabbing him from behind, hislong fingers on Komori's hips as Sakusa gently nipped at hisearlobe. Komori gasped, and moved his hips pressing against Sakusa's still hard sex. Drops of hot water trickled down their bodies, and the steam from the shower increased their body heat. Sakusa bit down hard on Komori's neck as his hand slid down to jerk off Komori's shaft. </p><p>"Aahh, kiyoomi, yes, yes. Like this" he moeaned with a broken voice, barely able to articulate a word. "Fuck me, please." he begged. </p><p>It was a tight position, but neither of them seemed to care. Without prior preparation, or some kind of lubricant, Sakusa thrust his cock fully inside Komori. Komori cried out, a mixture of pain and pleasure. Sakusa growled, and in desperation, he began to fuck him hard. Komori's inside felt hot and tight ... Sakusa could feel his member getting harder with each thrust he gave ... Then Komori began to moan his name ... only that suddenly it was no longer the voice of Komori, but someone else's. Confused, he realized that Komori was no longer in the shower, he was alone, with his hand jerking off himself in his old bedroom. Once again he heard his name and thought he recognized Yaku's voice. Things then began to dissipate, and little by little the blurred image of his bedroom in the Olympic village began to clear. Sakusa finally opened his eyes, somewhat dazed. Yaku saw him with a mischievous smile on his lips.</p><p>He was standing next to the bed where Sakusa was lying. Sakusa's eyes widened, he could feel a strong erection under his pants. Precum sliding into his crotch. His face turned bright red in seconds.</p><p>“Hey” Yaku said, still with the smile. “I’m sorry to disturb you, man. But you were making such noises… I wasn’t sure if you were awake trying to seduce me.” He mocked.</p><p>“Didn’t know you were into vouyerism.” Sakusa shot back.</p><p>“There are some things you don’t know about me, want to find out?” he kept with the teasing. </p><p>Sakusa frowned not minding to hide his deadly gaze. </p><p>“Hahahaha I’m sorry, Sakusa. I just couldn’t help it. I still respect you, I swear. This kind of shit happens sometimes, we can’t control them, can’t we? No need to be ashamed of it. Actually, I’d leave you alone enjoying your dream, if it wasn’t because coach call us into a meeting. Thought it would be better if I wake you up. 40 minutes left until then.” He said.</p><p>“Oh… mm okay. Thank you.” Sakusa answered, embarrassment all over his face.</p><p>“You better take care of that soon. None of my business but… Who were you dreaming about?”</p><p>Sakusa couldn’t believe Yaku was, in fact, asking that. </p><p>“No one” he replied.</p><p>“Really? Because I could swear I listen to you moaning Kom….”</p><p>“DON’T…” Sakusa stopped him before he could finish the sentence. Now really threatening him with his eyes.</p><p>“Hahaha chill! Sorry, sorry. It’s hard not to tease you after this. Anyways, don’t worry about it. I won’t tell anyone, anything. And I won’t judge you either. Now, I’m going first so you can do whatever you need to do.” He stated, giggling a little. Then, he left humming a funny song. </p><p>Sakusa sighed. There were still two weeks left, and things couldn’t be more awkward.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>I still have to edit some parts to make it better, but for now I'll leave it like this.</p><p>By the way, the translation to the message Sakusa sent to Komori is:</p><p>"...and sometimes, not a few, I missed you as if I knew I needed you.”</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally!</p><p>I really wanted to update since Wednesday and I just couldn't.<br/>This was supposed to be a short chapter of 2k words, and ended up being a chapter of almost 6k words.</p><p>I hope you like it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>“We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.”</i><br/>
-Ray Bradbury</p><p> </p><p><b>March 2006</b><br/>
Kiyoomi’s heart clenched. Never, in the three years they’ve had known each other, he had seen Motoya like this. Sometimes Motoya got angry or upset. He had seen him pouting and frowning, even squinting his eyes, but never like this. Maybe he had gotten too used to the broad shining smile that greeted him every time he saw his cousin. But today, there was no smile and no brightness. And the sky, that always looked bluer reflected on Motoya’s eyes, seemed kind of sad too. It was as if the world around them knew how terribly gloomy things were when he wasn’t beaming.</p><p>Motoya was in front of him, his eyes were completely drenched with tears that painfully trickled down his cheeks. He was sobbing as quietly as he could manage, but Kiyoomi could see how much sorrow he was feeling. Resting peacefully on Motoya’s small arms was Tora, the pet chick he had owned for the past year and a half. Tora had been a birthday present from Motoya’s parents, and Kiyoomi would never forget his cousin's brightly lit face back then. His eyes that sparkled with joy, and the broad grin on his face the first time he saw it. Kiyoomi wasn’t a big fan of pets, but Tora was fine. It was quite clever and fun to play with. Sometimes, Motoya took it with them into the park, and he would always chase them around.</p><p>“It’s okay, Motoya. It’s okay.” he whispered, softly wiping away the tears with one of his hands. “Wait a second, we have to properly bury it.”  Motoya nodded and Kiyoomi dashed out into his house, looking for a box where Tora could fit and some of his family’s gardening tools. Then he saw some wood planks his sister had used for a school project two years ago. He grabbed one, along with a scoop, and his gardening gloves and boots. He wore the boots and put the rest of the stuff in a bag. </p><p> He came back to Motoya, who patiently waited for him.</p><p>“Let’s put Tora in this box meanwhile. We’ll bury him in the park, so you can visit it any time you need, okay?” he said in a reassuring tone. It was the first time Kiyoomi talked more than Motoya, and the first time too, he spoke in such a tender tone. Maybe he had become a little bit soft for him.</p><p>Motoya nodded again, he had stopped sobbing, but his mouth was still a pout, so Kiyoomi doubted he could say a lot.</p><p>“Okay, then. Let’s go.” He said, grabbing Motoya’s arm carefully, subtly guiding him towards the park. When they arrived in there, Kiyoomi got thoughtful before going into action.</p><p>“I will dig a hole. You should make a tombstone for Tora.” Kiyoomi called while handing the plank and some markers to his cousin. Motoya placed the box where Tora peacefully lied on the floor, then he proceeded to take the materials. “I’ll be over there, between those trees. It seems like a good spot.” Kiyoomi claimed, and no adding more words he went towards the trees and started digging. Motoya knelt some feet away from the trees; he had stopped crying completely, now focused on his own task.<br/>
One hour later, both kids had finished their work. Kiyoomi had put Tora inside the small hole he had dig. He covered it and placed the wooden tombstone on top of the bundle where now the chick pet was resting. Motoya had made a cute drawing on the plank, he had written the words “rest in peace, Tora”. </p><p>Kiyoomi got the palms of his hands together, and squatting down, recited a few last words to say goodbye to his little friend. Motoya started crying again, this time harder.<br/>
"He had a great life," he stammered between ragged sobs.</p><p>Kiyoomi gave him some time to recover, and when he thought it would be okay, he took out some cleaning tissues from his bag to clean Motoya’s crying face. Motoya stood still, staring at him with those blue eyes and red nose. </p><p>“Come on, Motoya. Let’s come back home and take a shower. We are all dirty.” he said, trying to avoid the frowning and grabbing his cousin’s hand into his. </p><p>“Can we bath together?” Motoya suddenly asked.</p><p>Kiyoomi blushed a little. They were already 9 years old, and had never washed together… But this was Motoya, so it should be okay, he thought.</p><p>“Sure…” he muttered.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><b>January 2011</b><br/>
“Kiyoomi?” Motoya’s voice whispered from the floor. It was a freezing January night. They were staying at Kiyoomi’s house, and since they were 14 and 15 already, it was kind of weird to keep sleeping on the same bed. </p><p>“Mmm?” was everything Kiyoomi offered as an answer, longing for the warm on the empty spot next to him.</p><p>“I was thinking about that time when you helped me bury Tora,” Motoya mumbled. Kiyoomi turned his body to have a better look of him. It was a dark night, but their faces were lit by the dim light of a lamp.</p><p>“That’s quite a random thought. Sleep already, we have to attend school tomorrow.” Kiyoomi replied, remembering the only time he had seen Motoya that sad.</p><p>“I know, I know…. It’s only that I suddenly realized I never said thank you.” He claimed lying on his back, hands behind his head. </p><p>“No need to.”</p><p>“But I want to… Back then I couldn’t stop crying. I guess I was that kind of child, I thought you would be annoyed, but instead you comforted me and helped me bury Tora…. Thank you, Kiyoomi. I’m really happy to have you.” He assured and turning his body towards Kiyoomi, he raised a hand looking for Kiyoomi’s. </p><p>Kiyoomi accepted the hand. Their fingertips lazily brushing each other, slightly intertwining. </p><p>“Are you cold?” Kiyoomi asked, staring at their fingers. Brushing tenderly, eyes lost in the moment.</p><p>Motoya looked at him. “Maybe I am,” he replied trying to find something in Kiyoomi’s dark eyes.</p><p>Kiyoomi didn’t say anything. No need of it. Motoya always knew everything Kiyoomi tried to convey, even though no words were spoken. He moved to make some space on the bed, pulling up the comfy blanket. And silently, Motoya crawled onto Kiyoomi’s side and cuddled on his chest. Kiyoomi hugged him, leaning his head on Motoya’s hair, inhaling the aroma of roses.  None of them said anything else. Sometimes words were not necessary. Sometimes their feelings just let out the beautiful things in their hearts.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><b>Interhigh National Tournament 2012</b><br/>
It has been the last day of the tournament. They had made it into the finals and won against Inarizaki High School. Today, they hadn’t been the defeated, they had earned their triumph. Today, they had become the best high school in the country. </p><p>As a way of celebrating, their coaches had treated them with barbecue at the hostel restaurant. They had dinner right after the last match and would spend one last night in the inn before returning home. </p><p>Once they had dinner, they proceeded to take baths in the hot springs behind the place. First went their third years, then it was time for the second years to go ahead.<br/>
As usual, Sakusa and Komori were the first ones to arrive in. They got into the hot water. And For the first time ever, Sakusa noticed how attractive Komori was. He wasn't particularly tall compared to most of their partners. And actually, he was much shorter than Sakusa, who had grown much taller. It was the way his shoulders fell gracefully, the shape of the bones that stood out in his back and the upper part of his chest. The little muscles in his arms. The abs that were beginning to peek into Komori's abdomen. And his legs. Sakusa adored Komori's legs. He had quite strong and thick thighs, probably thanks to his position as Libero; but it wasn't just the fact that Komori had an athletic body. It was him. His cheerful and social personality attracted quite a few, Sakusa included. The way his eyes flashed, his infectious smile, and the sound of his sweet voice…</p><p>“What?” Komori asked interrupting Sakusa’s thoughts, maybe noticing how he was staring at him. Sakusa sank further into the water, trying to hide his face.</p><p>“Nothing” he answered averting his eyes. </p><p>They were silent for a few minutes allowing their muscles to relax under the hot water. However, out of the corner of his eye, Sakusa noticed that Komori was looking at a piece of sky that could be clearly seen from there. </p><p>"What is it, Motoya?" Sakusa inquired.</p><p>"I wonder if it is possible to reach them," he said without looking at him. "I mean the stars. They are beautiful, don't you think?" His eyes lost in that little piece of heaven.</p><p> "You know it's not possible. Not for us, at least. And even if we could reach them, we would die burned." said Sakusa, perhaps breaking the moment. But Komori only chuckled. </p><p>"Well, that's what we've been told. It's probably true. I like to doubt sometimes though. I like to believe it could be different." Komori declared with a slight smile. Sakusa looked at him carefully, wondering what exactly was on his cousin's thoughts. </p><p>"Do you remember that book we read last year in classical literature?" Komori asked, though he wasn't really looking for an answer. "There was a story. <i>The story of a boy in love with a star. He adored his star by the sea, stretched out his arms towards it, dreamed of it and directed all his thoughts to it. But he knew, or thought he knew, that a star could not be embraced by a human being. He believed that his destiny was to love a hopeless star; and on this idea he built a vital poem of resignation and of silent and faithful suffering that was to purify and perfect him. All of his dreams were focused on the star. One night he was again by the sea, on a cliff, gazing at the star and burning in love for it. In the moment of greatest passion, he took a few steps forward and threw himself into the void, to meet it. And at the height of his longing he leaped into the emptiness toward the star, but at the instant of leaping “it’s impossible” flashed once more through his mind. There he lay on the shore, shattered. He has not understood how to love. If at the instant of leaping he had had the strength of faith in the fulfillment of his love he would have soared into the heights and been united with the star</i>.” Komori finished reciting.</p><p>“<i>Demian</i>.” Sakusa mumbled, surprised that Komori had memorized the whole passage. </p><p>“Oh, so you remember, huh?” Komori said, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“Of course, we read it for a test. We even wrote an essay. Got the highest grade.”</p><p>“Bragging is not nice, Kiyoomi.” Komori snapped out. “The thing is, that part… it really got me. It makes me think ... wouldn't it be great to be able to achieve what we yearn for? As crazy as this may sound. Imagine that one day someone, suddenly, manages to capture a little piece of sky with, not just one, but thousands of stars ... Imagine that it is possible, would it not mean that anything else is also possible?” Sakusa looked at him silently. He knew that Komori wasn't expecting an answer from him, but somehow, he felt like he had to say something.</p><p> "Motoya ..." he whispered; Komori turned to see him. "I ... I can't see things the way you see them; but I understand what you're saying. And yet, if it's about you, I don't think you need something like that to make anything possible ...”</p><p> Komori looked at him tenderly and smiled even more.</p><p> "You may be right." He simply replied.</p><p><i>The things we see are the same things that we carry in us. No more reality than we have inside. That is why most human beings live so unrealistically; because they believe that outer images are reality and do not allow their own inner world to manifest. You can be very happy like that, but when you know the other side, you can no longer choose the path of the majority.</i><br/>
– Demian by Herman Hesse.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>July 30</b><br/>
<i>&gt;&gt; From: Kiyoomi (-_-) &lt;3<br/>
Let’s meet today. [9:02AM]</i>
</p><p>
  <i>&lt;&lt; From: Motoya (-3-)<br/>
Sure! What do you have in mind? [9:03AM]</i>
</p><p>
  <i>&gt;&gt;From: Kiyoomi (-_-) &lt;3<br/>
Dinner. See you in the hall at 5:00.<br/>
PS: don’t edit your own name without permission. It’s rude. [9:09AM]</i>
</p><p>
<i>&lt;&lt; From: Motoya (-3-)<br/>
Sure, sure. See you at 5:00 ;) [9:09AM]</i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
 But they saw each other before it. The match against Polonia had been a hard one. It was a strong team, and they knew Ushijima’s skills well enough to kill the surprise element from his left hand. 
</p><p>
 However, they made it at the end. 
</p><p>
Quite a pleasant victory. Now they were in the showers. As usual Sakusa had gotten ahead of the rest; however, this did not prevent him from meeting most of the team after his shower was over. At the other end of the dressing room, Komori and Yaku were having an avid conversation. From their moves, Sakusa guessed they were talking about some defensive moves that were played during the match. Yaku hadn't bothered him again about the incident. In fact, he hadn’t said a word of it. Sakusa thought that perhaps Yaku had let the thing go. However, life doesn't work that way. He saw Yaku and Komori approach him, still deep in their conversation.
</p><p>
 “By the way Komori, you have a sweet aroma.” Yaku affirmed.
</p><p>
 “Sweet?” he asked raising his eyebrows. “Oh, I guess you right. It must be the shampoo and the laundry soap on my clothes.”
</p><p>
 “It may be, indeed. What aroma exactly it is?” Yaku was asking too many questions. 
</p><p>
 “Roses,” Komori declared with a smile. “My mom had always used it. So unconsciously I kept using it. Maybe I should change into something more…. Manly?”
</p><p>
 “Nahh, no need to, Komori. It’s a nice smell. Embrace it. It actually feels like home, right Sakusa?” Yaku said with a mischievous smile in front of him.
</p><p>
 Sakusa froze for a second. He didn’t know what to reply to that. Fortunately, Komori spoke again.
</p><p>
 “What? Sorry, Yaku san. Got distracted. What did you say?” Komori asked, curiously looking at them. 
</p><p>
 “Nothing, nothing.” He laughed. “Let’s go now, it’s getting crowded here.”
</p><p>
 “Sure.” Komori answered, and turned towards Sakusa. “See you in a while, Kiyoomi” he said winking an eye, and leaving with Yaku. 
</p><p>
 *
</p><p>
 "Sorry I'm late,” Komori gasped." I just went to leave my things in the room, but Kageyama and Hinata were there, and I lost track of time talking to them," he apologized again.
</p><p>
 "Okay. It was only 7 minutes," Sakusa replied with a frown. 
</p><p>
 "Hahahaha Kiyoomi, your face says it's not right. And it's true, it's not. I promise I'll make it up to you for this," he added, lifting her thumbs up and smiling broadly.
</p><p>
  Sakusa sighed and turned around.
</p><p>
 "Come on. It will be late."
</p><p>
  Komori looked at him confused. "Restaurants are open late today," he exclaimed. 
</p><p>
  "I’m starving," Sakusa replied without looking at him. Komori went after him with no more objections.
</p><p>
  <i>~</i>
</p><p>
  Dinner was pretty good. Perhaps it was the fact that, indeed, they were starving after spending all their energies in the previous match. When they finished eating, Sakusa offered to pay the bill, Komori was about to complain, when Sakusa got ahead and paid.
</p><p>
 "You should have let me pay, I could have made it up to you with that," Komori complained. 
</p><p>
  "You'll find another way to make it up." Sakusa said. "Let's go." 
</p><p>
  Komori raised his eyebrows.
</p><p>
 "Where are we going?" he asked curiously. 
</p><p>
  "You'll see ... Oh well ... not quite, for now. It's a secret," Sakusa assured. 
</p><p>
  Komori raised his eyebrows even more. "What kind of secret?" he asked as they made their way out of the restaurant, not far from the Olympic Village. 
</p><p>
  Sakusa sighed and looked away.
</p><p>
  "When we were between 8 and 10 years old you liked to play that stupid game where one of us would close his eyes, and the other would guide him to a secret place,” he reminded him in a low but clear voice. “Well, we are playing that now. You will wear this band to cover your eyes and I will take you to a secret place," explained Sakusa. "Plus, you can't hear either, so, you'll have to use my headphones. Don't worry, I cleaned them properly before bringing them."
</p><p>
 "That's not really what worries me the most," Komori stated, still somewhat stunned. "And anyway, you never liked that game, why do you suddenly want to play it?"<br/>
Sakusa didn't dare to look at Komori, but his ears betrayed him, showing how embarrassed he felt. It was obvious that he didn't want to play that stupid game either. 
</p><p>
  "Just do it, will you?" he demanded with his face completely colored in red. 
</p><p>
  Komori, still doubtful, sighed and accepted. He put on Sakusa's earphones and when he was about to connect his phone to them, Sakusa stopped him. "I choose the music, from my phone. Just to make sure you don't cheat and turn off your device at some point during the trip," he sentenced. 
</p><p>
 "You know? It's very annoying that you are so good and careful with everything," Komori replied with a grimace. 
</p><p>
  "It's my pleasure," Sakusa said, with a mocking smirk.
</p><p>
 Sakusa placed his hand on Komori's shoulder and began to guide him gently. They walked to the subway station and waited on the platform; the next unit would arrive in no time. On their way, some passersby had seen them with confused faces, some people had even whispered behind their backs. Sakusa questioned himself if this was really worth it. The subway ride to their destination took approximately 40 minutes. At times, Komori would complain to Sakusa too loudly, claiming that he hadn't been able to see or hear anything other than music for a long time. Sakusa couldn't remember a chaotic subway ride like that. They reached their destination. Just in time. The sun had just set a few minutes ago, leaving the sky covered in shades of blue and orange.
</p><p>
 Finally, Sakusa stopped and turned off the music. Komori’s energy looked like it had been completely drained, his shoulders slumped, and his lips were pouting a little. Sakusa found it a bit adorable. 
</p><p>
  "Okay, you can open your eyes," Sakusa declared as he took off Komori's band. 
</p><p>
  "Finally! I didn't remember this game was so tedious and ..." Komori got speechless as soon as he opened his eyes. They were in a high spot inside the Sky Tree. In front of them, through the glass window a lot of little lights illuminated the city. In the sky, fireworks of different colors flashed beautifully. Komori's eyes widened in amazement. His lips parted slightly, and it was as if for a moment he had frozen, forgetting even how to breathe. 
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
 Komori had always been the kind of person who enjoyed fireworks. As children, he made sure to drag Sakusa to every festival in the city with the only purpose to see them. And every time his face sparked with joy. Sakusa had learned of this event only a week and a half ago. And he had to admit the fireworks looked beautiful from this spot. Getting tickets hadn't been easy, but somehow, he made it. The fires continued; their faces lit up with different colors that were also gracefully reflected in Komori's pupils. Sakusa found Komori’s face more fascinating than the fireworks themselves. And then, just before they ended. Komori, perhaps noticing Sakusa’s eyes on him, turned around to see him. This had taken Sakusa by surprise, and yet he managed to keep his composure.
</p><p>
  “Happy birthday, Motoya," he said looking at Komori straight in the eye.
</p><p>
 Komori looked at him in amazement, his lips slightly parted. For a few seconds it was as if the words had escaped from his mouth, as if the sound had been lost between lights and colors. The fireworks came to an end, the people next to him began to move from their places followed by the bustle of their voices.
</p><p>
"You remembered ..." was the first thing Komori could barely articulate in a small voice. 
</p><p>
 "I did," Sakusa replied pulling something out of his pocket. "I also bought you a little gift. It's not anything great, to tell the truth. I barely had time to buy it," he said as he handed the little gift to Komori. 
</p><p>
  The gift was wrapped in yellow decorative paper. A small phospho-green ribbon stuck out at the top of the package as he held the wrapper closed. Komori took it into his hands with care. 
</p><p>
  "Can I open it?" he asked, exchanging glances between the small item and Sakusa. 
</p><p>
  Sakusa shrugged. "It's yours, go ahead."
</p><p>
Komori flashed a small smile and began to undo the knot of the ribbon. It was a yellow phone case with a cute shiba inu that smiled happily among small plants and bushes. Komori's eyes quickly brightened as his face grew into a beam. 
</p><p>
 "Kiyoomi, it's ... it's perfect! It's so cute!" he yelled, almost jumping up and down with joy, looking at the case with affection.
</p><p>
 "It reminded me of you. You look exactly like that dog," Sakusa said turning to see the puppy's image. 
</p><p>
 Komori giggled. "So, you think I'm cute?" he asked to tease him.
</p><p>
 "I never said that," Sakusa stated with an indifferent look. 
</p><p>
 "Thank you ..." Komori whispered, looking at his gift again. Then, his gaze went to Sakusa and with a wide smile he lunged towards him, wrapping him in a hug and burying his face on Sakusa's chest. "It is the best gift I have ever received." 
</p><p>
  Sakusa knew that wasn’t true. Komori had gotten better gifts in the past. Tora, for example. However, he couldn't help but smile. He was happy to see Komori like this. After all, the struggle had been worth it.
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
 Then he realized that Komori was embracing him in that crowded place. Some people began to look at them curiously, some less covertly than others. Sakusa felt embarrassment spreading across his face. His body froze and with his muscles tense he couldn't even respond to the hug.
</p><p>
"Motoya, we are in a public place." he cleared his throat. But Komori did not seem to care, without letting go and raising his head to look at him he told him.
</p><p>
 "Oh sure we are." he agreed. 
</p><p>
  Sakusa frowned. "Let go. People are staring at us." 
</p><p>
 "Are they?" he asked as if he didn't know already. "Then let them be." 
</p><p>
  "The place is closing soon; we have to go back." Sakusa snapped, still scowling and gently pushing Komori out of the embrace. Komori pulled away without resisting. 
</p><p>
"Let’s go, then!” he cried out in a joyful tone.
</p><p>
  <i>~</i>
</p><p>
 It was almost 9PM when they arrived in the Olympic village. Most of his teammates had decided to attend the other volleyball matches that were taking place that day. Argentina had played its match against Tunisia at 6:10 PM. A strong team that they would probably face in the semifinals if they won the matched before that one. Italy, the country where Kageyama was currently playing, was another team they might face soon, and right now they were facing the Islamic Republic of Iran. The last game of that day was Russia against France would be played until 11:30 P.M. Sakusa, who used to sleep early, had no plans on attending that match. Besides, Yaku would probably be there, and for now, he preferred to avoid the libero in question. 
</p><p>
  When they reached Komori's room, Komori opened the door and paused for a moment on the threshold. 
</p><p>
 "Kiyoomi? Do you want to come in? Kageyama is not here, so I thought we could watch something on TV, or talk a little before sleeping ..." he said, although he seemed somewhat embarrassed and undecided. "Unless you prefer to go see the match, of course. If so, I'll just leave a few things and we can go together." he quickly added. 
</p><p>
 "I ... I'm a bit tired ... It's been a long day," he replied, and he could swear he saw Komori's smile fade a bit. "So, I'd rather stay here, and watch a movie or something ... That would be fine." he told him, trying to sound indifferent. 
</p><p>
 "Perfect!" exclaimed Komori, smiling happily while opening the door wide.
</p><p>
 "So Kageyama attended the matches?" Sakusa inquired as he scanned the small room. 
</p><p>
 The rooms were not very large, but they had enough space for two single beds, a television, and a small sofa. In adittion, it had a small fridge where they could refrigerate some snacks and drinks. Two bedside tables, each with a lamp, and a closet with enough space to accommodate the luggage of both residents. There was also a door that led to a half bathroom: toilet, sink and small mirror. Nothing to write home about, they merely had the necessary to survive during the days they stayed there. 
</p><p>
 “Kageyama?” Oh yeah, apparently his senpai and former middle school captain now plays for Argentina, I guess you've heard of him, "Komori stated."His name is Oikawa Tooru." 
</p><p>
 “If I have heard of him?" Sakusa snorted raising one of his eyebrows. "It's one of Wakatoshi's favorite subjects. He told me a lot about him when we were dating, apparently they got to face each other on different occasions in Miyagi. Wakatoshi respects him a lot, he kept saying that Oikawa must have attended Shiratorizawa."
</p><p>
 "Oh, really? If Ushijima san respects him that much it must be a good player then. And not only that, he seems to be childhood friends with Iwaizumi san. They went to the same school since elementary. Got apart after high school grad.  I heard they played on the same volleyball teams. Something like you and me. And well, that would explain why both Kageyama and Ushijima trust and respect Iwaizumi san so much. They've known each other since middle school,"Komori explained as he finished arranging some things. 
</p><p>
 "I see, that explains a lot." Sakusa conceded. "And I guess Kageyama will want to watch the next matches as well." 
</p><p>
 "That's right. He and Hinata seemed very excited about today's matches. Some of Kageyama's teammates play for the Italy national team, he said he wanted to say hi to them. And they both respect Yaku san a lot, so they decided to keep him company in the match Russia will play later," Komori assured, already in front of Sakusa.<br/>
Gently, Komori slipped his fingers under the elastic of Sakusa's mask, pulling it off. 
</p><p>
 "Kageyama won't be back in a few hours. Make yourself comfortable, okay?" he said smiling with understanding and turning around.
</p><p>
 Komori crawled onto the bed, inviting Sakusa to sit next to him as he turned on the TV. Sakusa took a while to process what Komori had just done. He finally sighed and followed Komori's footsteps making his way to his side of the bed. The wasn’t a lot of space, so they were sitting shoulder to shoulder with their backs against the wall.
</p><p>
 They decided to see something about the other sports that were taking place at the Olympics. Occasionally, it was good to see more than just volleyball. Sakusa enjoyed bow and arrow, and rhythmic gymnastics. Komori, on the other hand, preferred to watch the divers and the swimming team. They ended up watching something about cycling and figure skating. They talked a bit, commenting on what they saw and discussing the type of training and diet for each discipline. It was after a while that he noticed that Komori was watching him carefully. 
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
 "Everything right?" Sakusa asked, turning to see him as well. His faces separated by no more than 30cm.
</p><p>
 "I was wondering if love managed to find you," he said simply. His eyes fell seriously on Sakusa's.
</p><p>
 Sakusa was dumbfounded. He blinked, not quite sure what to say.
</p><p>
 What do you mean? Is it about when I was dating Wakatoshi?" he wonder, even though he was sure Komori wasn't asking about that. 
</p><p>
 "Only if you still have feelings for him." Komori replied, letting a small grimace escape. "I heard he slept with you before he came here.”
</p><p>
 Oh that… Sakusa had completely forgotten.
</p><p>
 "He did." 
</p><p>
 "Is that a yes?" 
</p><p>
 "No. It's a 'we are mature enough to maintain a friendly and healthy relationship’."
</p><p>
 "How friendly?" Komori insisted.
</p><p>
 If Sakusa didn't know Komori better, he would say he was jealous. 
</p><p>
 "Enough to offer him lodging. Not so much as to revive feelings that were left in the past if that's what you’re asking." Sakusa responded sincerely.
</p><p>
 "What about now? Has love found you again?" Komori asked without giving the matter further. 
</p><p>
 "I don't know…" Sakusa said staring at the blue in Komori's eyes. "Maybe..." 
</p><p>
 "How so?" 
</p><p>
 "What about you? Did love find you?" Sakusa asked without answering Komori's question, perhaps trying to distract him. 
</p><p>
 "I think so." Komori replied, still lost in his eyes. 
</p><p>
 "How so?" 
</p><p>
 "There may be someone ..." Komori stated. 
</p><p>
  "And does someone know?"
</p><p>
 "Well, it's been a long time. If he hasn't noticed, he may not be as smart as he claims to be."
</p><p>
 "Maybe he never contemplated the possibility of you liking him ..." Sakusa said. His pulse racing.
</p><p>
  "You think so?" Komori asked blinking and leaning towards him a little. 
</p><p>
 "I'm pretty sure," Sakusa stated. 
</p><p>
 "What should I do?" "Should I tell him?” 
</p><p>
 "What about kissing him?" Sakusa suggested quite seriously, his eyes fixed. Narrowing the gap that separated them. 
</p><p>
 "Would that be clear enough?" Komori questioned.
</p><p>
 "Maybe ..." Sakusa replied, tilting his head a little. "You will have to do it more than once, though. Just to be sure." he whispered, his voice cracking. 
</p><p>
 "I agree," Komori breathed. Coming even closer, tilting his head to the side. Shortening the few centimeters between them. Sakusa could feel their breathing mixing. His heart was beating so hard he was sure Komori could hear it.
</p><p>
Their noses brushed. Komori parted his lips a little, just an inch from Sakusa's. Their eyes narrowed, Sakusa raised his hand to place it on the nape of Komori, and just when their lips were about to touch, the door was opened wide, the loud voices of Kageyama and Hinata reached them from the entrance, startling them. Sakusa straighten himself up so roughly that he slammed his head against the wall. Komori jumped off the bed, visibly nervous, coughing. 
</p><p>
  "Oh, Komori san, Sakusa san. You're both here." Hinata exclaimed excitedly. 
</p><p>
  "Oh yeah ... we were watching TV. You know, catching up on other sports." Komori said, forcing a smile and with one hand brushing his nape, where just seconds ago Sakusa had laid his. 
</p><p>
 "Sakusa san," Kageyama greeted, bowing slightly. Sakusa could feel the heat on his cheeks. He had one of his hands in front of his mouth and nose, as if he could hide behind it. He wanted to reach for his mask, but he had no idea where Komori had left it. He cursed him for it.
</p><p>
 He just nodded to return the greeting to Kageyama.
</p><p>
  "Oh, that's great. What's new for Japan." Hinata asked. 
</p><p>
 “Nothing new for now,” Komori replied. "Anyway, I thought you wanted to join Yaku in the Russian match. I didn't expect them to come back so soon." Komori stated, perhaps a little nervous.
</p><p>
 "It's still early. The Italy game ended almost an hour ago. Kageyama introduced me to his teammates, and we talked a bit, but that's all. There's still time for the next game, we didn't know what to do in the meantime." Hinata explained. 
</p><p>
 "I see ..." Komori agreed. 
</p><p>
 "We came here because it was closer than Hinata's room, and because this idiot needed to pee. Hey, idiot, will you use the toilet or not?" Kageyama complained, frowning. 
</p><p>
  "Oh, true!" Hinata agreed. Hurrying to the bathroom and disappearing behind that door.
</p><p>
  Then Kageyama looked at Sakusa curiously.
</p><p>
 "Sakusa san? Are you okay? Your face looks very red." he stated, moving a little closer to him. 
</p><p>
  "I'm fine," Sakusa was quick to say.
</p><p>
 A few seconds later Hinata came out of the bathroom. Pretty fast if we are being honest. 
</p><p>
 "What's going on?" he asked right away.
</p><p>
 "Sakusa san might have a fever. His face is red." Kageyama stated with an impassive face.
</p><p>
 "Oh no, how bad! Do you want us to call Iwaizumi-san?" Hinata offered.
</p><p>
 Sakusa opened his mouth and closed it again, trying to respond, his face glowing crimson. Komori, meanwhile, was choking on laughter. He turned his head away so they wouldn't notice. 
</p><p>
 Kageyama and Hinata moved closer to Sakusa, visibly concerned. Sakusa wanted to escape, bury himself in the ground, just to come back until his next match. 
</p><p>
 "Stay away," he managed, "I'm fine." he declared visibly uncomfortable.
</p><p>
 "Guys, guys. Give Kiyoomi a break, will you?" Komori laughed. "He's fine, just ... a little hot. It's a bit hot in here ..." he dared to assure, even though the air conditioning was on. 
</p><p>
 "Oh, is that so? Good thing Sakusa san is fine," said Kageyama, relieved. 
</p><p>
 "By the way, are you attending the match?" Hinata asked. Sakusa appreciated the change of topic.
</p><p>
 "Why don't we go together? "Hinata suggested, jumping with excitement.
</p><p>
 "Sure, why not. It will be fun," Komori replied. Turning to see Sakusa.
</p><p>
 "I pass," he said. "I'm tired ... I think I'm going back to my room." 
</p><p>
 Sakusa got off the bed to say goodbye still with a slight blush on his cheeks. He shot Komori a look, as if apologizing for not going with them, but his cousin's eyes showed only understanding, no need to apologize. 
</p><p>
 "See you later, Sakusa san. Rest well." Kageyama said, bowing. Hinata followed suit.
</p><p>
 Sakusa walked to the door, Komori followed. 
</p><p>
 "Kiyoomi?" Sakusa turned around to see him. "Don't forget your mask." Komori mumbled as he stretched out his arms to place the mask on Sakusa's face. "Thank you for today."
</p><p>
 Sakusa realized how much affection was reflected on Komori’s eyes. 
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
 "Sure," was all he could say, as a smile formed behind his mask. "See you around, Motoya."
</p><p>
 Sakusa walked down the hall, towards his bedroom. Soon, his mind began to process what had just happened. They had been very close to each other. They had nearly ... his stomach clenched instantly. He couldn't get carried away; it wasn't okay ... And yet when it came to Komori, it was as if there was no reasoning, as if things were like that because that was how they should be. Everything flowed naturally; the world felt just right.
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, and that was it! I've been making some research about the Olympics, but still my knowledge is poor, so don't take that info too seriously. </p><p>Also, yes! Komori's Birthday will happen at the Olympics, just when Japan is supposed to play against Polonia, so of course I was going to include his birthday. </p><p>Anyways. I'll be busy studying for some exams, and work, and stuff. Still, I hope to find the time to keep updating as soon as possible. Take care!</p><p>btw, if you have twitter we should follow each other and share all the sakukomo crumbs we find &gt;:0</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Komori's POV of some events.<br/>The Olympics get to an end.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This took me more than I wanted to and I haven't edited it yet, but here it is.<br/>Sorry if it feels like we are not having any progress in the story or if it felt like a little bit rushed hehe<br/>I wanted to make a small Komor's POV and put an end to the olypmpics, so we can go forward with the story.</p><p> </p><p>Anyways, i hope you enjoy it &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>“Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it.”</i><br/>
-	Ray Bradbury</p><p> </p><p>If someone would ask Komori exactly when he had fallen in love so hard with that person, he could easily point out the exact moment of realization. It hadn’t been anything especially romantic, it didn’t happen like in love stories on television or fairy tales. It didn’t hit him right away. It had been a slow burn. Like a tiny spark. So slight at first for you to notice but still there; a flame lowkey flickering and patiently waiting to grow into an uncontrollable fire inside your chest. </p><p> </p><p>Motoya was 8 when he met him. He was a little bit nervous and intimidated. His parents had told him to play with his cousin. A cousin he barely knew about and who, honestly, had a deadpan face and 0 friends. But he was an optimistic person and not a coward. He wasn’t planning on escaping or giving up. No. He would do his best. He would become friends with his said cousin. </p><p> </p><p>And he did. </p><p> </p><p>Not exactly understanding how, both boys had grown closer. His name was Kiyoomi. And he was exactly what you would expect him to be by only seeing his face. Kiyoomi didn’t like people that much, nor he was very interested in making friends or playing with other kids from his age. He hated crowds and being touched. He loved cleanliness and order, and he seemed to be the kind of person that doesn’t care too much about others, never sympathetic, living ruled by the thought that we get what we deserve, only earning the result of our day to day. But he was more than that, Motoya soon realized. Kiyoomi was, in fact, brilliant. He was a smartass, but never bragged about it. He made sure to finish everything once he started, and Motoya had always thought that was a great (and not easy) quality to have.  Kiyoomi cared for others, even though he didn’t show it that much or in the conventional way. It was like the way he cared and loved was different and unique. Like everything that came from him… Yes, by an early point in life, Motoya already knew how special Kiyoomi was.</p><p>And one day Tora died. And Motoya cried because Tora was one of the things he loved the most. But Kiyoomi was there for him, and he made him feel better. And the world felt better too, because Motoya knew, no matter how bad everything could go, Kiyoomi would be there for him. </p><p> </p><p>“Can we take a bath together?” he timidly asked, maybe expecting a rejection and a frown. </p><p>But Kiyoomi only went silent for a second, and his cheeks lit up in a blush.</p><p>“Sure.” He mumbled, pretending the ground was something interesting to stare at.</p><p> </p><p>Bath was warm and cozy. They were only 10, but even then, they were them and complemented each other. Kiyoomi offered to wash Motoya’s hair. He did it with delicacy and care. And when he was done, he said something stupid that along with his deadpan eyes made Motoya laughed. </p><p>Motoya didn’t know. Maybe none did, not even Kiyoomi. But the thing was, from the moment Motoya stood in front of Kiyoomi with Tora in arms and tears painfully sliding down his cheeks, it had become Kiyoomi’s task to make him feel happy again, to make him smile. And like everything else Kiyoomi started, he would see it through to the end.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>They were in their first year of middle school the first time they faced Ushiwaka. Komori found right away he had an even wicker serve than Sakusa’s. He was a great opponent in a high-level team. Dosho Junior High lost against Shiratorizawa Junior High. On that day, they had been the defeated.</p><p>But it wasn’t Ushijima himself what got Komori’s attention. It was Sakusa’s interest on him. His cousin had immediately been captivated by Ushijima’s strength and ability. Soon after that, he began training even harder. Making improvements here and there on his own technique. They faced each other in later games and training camps, and every time Sakusa was genuinely smiling and having fun. Soon after that, Sakusa started calling Ushijima by his given name; something surprising considering the fact Ushiwaka was older than them. However, this wasn’t something that bothered Komori. Truth to be told, he found himself delighted by the image he had got in front of his eyes every time they met him. It was somehow cute. Seeing Sakusa smile like that wasn’t something you would see every day. Maybe that’s why Komori thought of it like a precious thing he should keep warm in his heart.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Just like a tiny spark.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p>“Say Kiyoomi,” Komori called him, slightly burying his noise in his blue scarf. “What’s up with Ushijima san?” he asked, eyes evidently curious, not a hint of malice in them.<br/>
The boys were in the volleyball club room, it was January, their third year. Club activities were done for them. They were about to start High school in a few months, so they were not obligated to attend trainings anymore. It had been the last day for them, and maybe that’s why they were the only ones left in the room. It was 5P.M. and the sky had turned dark already.  </p><p>Through the last three years, Komori had never mind asking Sakusa about Ushijima until now, when he suddenly felt the urge to know, too curious for just letting go of the question. </p><p>Sakusa gave him a look. Plain face as usual.</p><p>“What about him?” he inquired without giving importance.</p><p>But Komori knew Sakusa enough to know he did care about the question. Not too much, but enough.</p><p>“Well, you both seem to get along… “Komori tried taking one of his index fingers to his chin. “Have you become closer?” he finally asked.</p><p>Sakusa’s lips parted. He hadn’t put on his mask yet. Somehow, he seemed troubled by the question. Komori thought that maybe Sakusa had never really thought about it. His cousin frowned deeply and this time he turned around to see him. </p><p>“Mind to define closer?” Sakusa demanded in a serious tone now raising an eyebrow. </p><p>Komori suddenly felt bewildered, maybe he shouldn’t have asked after all. He smiled nervously but kept holding the gaze.</p><p>“Well… you kind of get along and talk to each other quite a bit, right? Even though none of you are really talkative… So, I thought maybe you had become good friends?” Komori probed. </p><p>Sakusa’s muscles relaxed a little. Komori’s tensed shoulders too. </p><p>Sakusa was thinking, maybe he was trying to figure out what Ushiwaka meant to him. Where they friends or just some kind of volleyball rivals? Did Sakusa had a crush on him and have not realized yet?</p><p>“He’s strong,” Sakusa answered. “Wakatoshi-kun is a strong opponent I want to defeat.”</p><p>“Wakatoshi-kun, huh?” Komori said, now smirking teasingly. “You know? You never call people by their given names. Not even our classmates or juniors.”</p><p>Sakusa made a grimace.</p><p>“I always call you by your given name.” he stated.</p><p>“Oh please, Kiyoomi. It’s different, we’re family.” Komori replied rolling his eyes.</p><p>Sakusa looked at him while putting on his masks.</p><p> “I don’t think about you just like family. You are my best friend too.” Sakusa muttered looking away.</p><p>Komori blushed immediately, feeling a heavy stump on his chest. It was super weird Sakusa said this kind of stuff. He was not prepared for this and he didn’t know how to answer to that.</p><p>“I… you too. You too are my best friend, Kiyoomi,” Komori answered shily and making a face. “But don’t change the topic, we were talking about Ushiwaka.” He said decidedly pointing with his index finger.</p><p>Sakusa sighed.</p><p>“Wakatoshi-kun is someone I respect.” He began again. “He’s a decent person if you ask me. I guess we understand each other in volleyball terms. But whatever you have in mind, the answer is no.” Sakusa sentenced in a flat voice. “And don’t point. It’s rude.”</p><p>Komori took down his finger.</p><p>“I see. Fair enough. I agree with you, he’s a nice person. And he’s like very strong. We have to train hard if we want to keep up with Shiratorizawa once we’re in high school.”</p><p>They had decided to attend Itachiyama Institute, a renowned school with a great volleyball team and a good international program. </p><p>“Sure.” Sakusa agreed, but then he asked. “Why did you suddenly ask?”</p><p>Komori raised both bushy eyebrows.</p><p>“Well… you seem happy each time we face them. Like you are actually having fun. You smile and everything and I think that’s hella cute, you know?” Komori uttered beaming widely.</p><p>Sakusa’s eyes widened in surprise. And if he hadn’t already put on his mask, Komori had noticed the light pink that had formed on his cheeks.<br/>
Sakusa didn’t answered and Komori looked out of the window. </p><p>“Look! It’s snowing!” he said opening his mouth in surprised. “We’d better leave now.” He said grabbing his stuff. And pulling off Sakusa’s jacket by the sleeve.<br/>
Sakusa just grumbled in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>They started walking home. Their house wasn’t that far away from there. Maybe 15 minutes by walking. </p><p>Sakusa was walking a few steps in front of Komori. Komori was cheerfully chatting while he admired the snowflakes that lazily fell from the sky. Some of them like tiny sparkles that shined in the dark. </p><p>Sakusa stopped to tell him to hurry up. </p><p>“Kiyoomi-kun, you are like a big cat! Hating the cold and the snow and being wet and everything.” He chuckled. Komori was really having fun out there. Sakusa just made a face.</p><p>“I don’t want us to catch a cold or something, thank you.” He complained narrowing his eyes. “But do as you wish. I’m not waiting for you…. You little dog who acts as you had never seen the snow before.” He shot back. </p><p>Komori giggled. What a silly thing had Sakusa just said. But well, to be fair he was the first one to say something stupid.</p><p>“I’m coming too, Kiyoomi. Don’t leave me behind, you idiot,” Komori ran after Sakusa. The street was dark, so was the sky. White and unique snowflakes were falling, slowly crashing against the ground that had already become a large blanket covered by them. Against their bodies. Komori was indeed like a puppy, catching snowflakes in his palms as he reached for his cousin. </p><p>“Kiyoomi-kun?” he called. “Are you cold?” but he didn’t let Sakusa answered, he didn’t give him the chance to do so. Komori hugged him by his back. Sakusa’s body tensed immediately even though there was no one around; Komori let out a laughter.</p><p>“I offer you warmth and snowflakes,” his voice coming clear from Sakusa’s back. His hands beaming as if they were made of small diamonds.</p><p>“They are cold… “Sakusa simply said. He had stopped moving but didn’t try to get off Komori.</p><p>“So what?” Komori snorted freeing Sakusa. “Being cold doesn’t mean they cannot be beautiful, you know?” Sakusa started walking again, but this time he discreetly waited for Komori, who made sure to walk by his side.</p><p>“It’s just like….” Komori’s smile suddenly went off. He looked at Sakusa. And Sakusa looked at him. They stared at each other for a while but didn’t stop their steps. </p><p>“Stay at my house tonight.” he said breaking the strange moment. “I’ll make dinner for us.” He offered.</p><p>“Are your parents away again?”</p><p>Sakusa nodded. And Komori did the same to show understanding.</p><p>“Sure. I just need to call my parents to let them know.” He said smiling again.</p><p>~</p><p>Later that night, Komori lay on the floor of Sakusa’s room. He had just thanked Sakusa for something that had happened like 5 years ago. But there they were. Brushing their fingers, almost lazing them. Komori wasn’t sure why, in the first place, he had reached for Sakusa’s fingers. Or why, he felt so happy about it. </p><p>And then, in the darkness of the room, Sakusa asked him if he was cold brushing tenderly the tip of his fingers. </p><p>“Maybe I am,” Komori had answered. And then Sakusa had moved not saying a word. He had just pulled up the thick blanket that covered him, making some space for Komori.</p><p>They were 14 and 15 already. Maybe it was a little bit odd to sleep in the same bed with your cousin, but if Komori was to be honest, he gave a fuck. He crawled onto Sakusa’s side and there he cuddled on his chest. And he inhaled Sakusa’s scent and felt the warmth of his body. And then, Sakusa’s arm embraced him in a tender hug and Komori thought he couldn’t be happier. </p><p>Unconsciously his fist clutched at Sakusa's chest, as if he didn't want to let go. As if by doing so, he assured he could stay like that forever.</p><p>Komori should’ve known by then. But he didn’t. He let himself enjoyed the moment, not asking further. He let himself falling asleep like that, as if it was just something you do in your everyday. Because it felt like that, he thought.</p><p> </p><p>Realization came soon after that. It was a normal day in their normal life. They were tired and sweaty and dirty. It was the middle of practice. First year in Itachiyama Institute. Komori couldn’t even remember what they were talking about. What had he said that made Sakusa smile like that? Because it was only then when Komori realized how much in love he was. </p><p> </p><p>An uncontrollable fire inside his chest.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced--or seemed to face--the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.</i>
</p><p>-The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Motoya, is everything okay?” Yaku asked. The libero was standing by his side, looking at him with concerned eyes. “You were spacing out.”</p><p>“Oh… sorry, Yaku san. I’m okay, I was just thinking about… nonsense.” But nonsense had a name: Sakusa Kiyoomi. Or if Komori felt like being more specific: ‘I almost kissed my cousin last night’. </p><p>He had promised himself he wouldn’t let something like that to happen again. But it was like a biggest force controlled him every fucking time he was with Kiyoomi. Things just seemed to happen, and well, if he had to be honest, maybe he didn’t mind… Maybe, deep inside his mind, where no one is able to see what’s in there, Komori was longing for it. It had been years after all, and suddenly everything felt just like the old days… But he didn’t have much time to keep thinking about whatever was about to happen the day before, they were preparing some stuff for tomorrow’s match against Iran when Yaku spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“I was thinking… you and Sakusa kun seem close to each other. If I remember correctly, you used to play together in Itachiyama. Both famous players. Top3 ace and best libero” he said the last sentenced narrowing his eyes. </p><p>“Hahaha we were, but hey, you were really good too. I always recognized your skills, and look, we are both here now,” Komori said with a friendly grin on his face. “And yes, Kiyoomi and I were teammates since junior high.”</p><p>“Oh, you have known each other for quiet a bit, huh?” Yaku seemed a little surprised.</p><p>“Yep,” Komori conceded. “A long road with that pessimist.” </p><p>“Such long road, it seems.” Yaku was obviously trying to find something, and Komori wasn’t sure if his casual answers were helping at all to distract him from whatever he wanted to know.</p><p>“But you know… “he continued. “Aran and Atsumu have known each other since high school too. Same can be said for me and Kuroo; or Kageyama and Iwaizumi. Still, I don’t think it’s the same.”</p><p>“Isn’t it?” Komori said, still smiling like if it was nothing. </p><p>“It’s not. Believe me. Sakusa kun and you look more like… like you are desperately pinning for each other.” Yaku cried out proudly and cheerfully. “Say, are you both dating or something?”</p><p>Komori let out a loud snorting. Yaku was sharp, of course. But still, he had never expected anyone to ask something like that so freely and shameless.</p><p>“What make you think that, Yaku san? We are both guys and… “Komori didn’t finish his sentence; he was still laughing a lot.</p><p>“So what? Haven’t you noticed? I bet half of the people on this team are super gay for someone else, maybe it’s about time we stop being so… conventional in some aspects of life.” He declared in a small whisper. </p><p>“I agree. But Yaku san, I’m not really into anyone’s love life, to be honest.” Komori giggled. </p><p>And now Yaku laughed too.</p><p>“Okay, you got me on that. Sorry for being too curious. I know it’s none of my business but… I really wanted to know. I mean, you know Sakusa. He’s not very social. He almost never smiles and have not interest in having fun, I think.” Yaku rubbed his chin, like thinking seriously.</p><p>Komori had trouble trying not to chuckle.</p><p>“The thing is, I’ve noticed you are like an exception for him. Besides Ushijima, you are the only other person he doesn’t scares away at least two meters apart from him. And I know he dated Ushijima for more than a year. Also, the only times I’ve seen Sakusa kun smile, I mean, smiling for real, it’s when he’s with you. You cannot tell me there’s not something there.” he said like pretending he was sharing a secret.</p><p>“You think so?” Komori asked.</p><p>“Pretty sure about it.” </p><p>“Well, the truth is… “Komori said in a small voice, leaning closer to Yaku. “We are cousins,” he whispered and almost lost it when he saw Yaku’s eyes growing bigger. Komori wasn’t sure why he was sharing this information with Yaku. It wasn’t a secret Sakusa and he were cousins, but it wasn’t either something they were willing to share with everyone. And maybe it’d be better if people just ignored that fact. </p><p>“No way!” Yaku almost yelled, but he quickly came back to the secretive mode. “You’re kidding me.”</p><p>“I’m not. That’s why we are so close to each other if that answers your questions.”</p><p>Yaku thought for a moment. Then he smirked.</p><p>“Actually, Motoya, this is making me even more curious… you see, I’ve witnessed something curious about 1 week ago, and oh God… am I developing some weird f…. “</p><p> </p><p>But Yaku’s sentenced coulnd’t be finished because suddenly they were interrupted by a sharp voice and cold eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Motoya,” Sakusa’s tall and shaped body was standing a few steps from them. “I was looking for you.” he said, looking at Yaku suspiciously.</p><p>Both Yaku and Komori looked at each other. They immediately suppressed a smile, traying to act all serious, like if they were talking about the matches or the weather.</p><p>“Oh… am sure, want to have dinner together?” Komori hawked standing straight. Sakusa raised an eyebrow, maybe now suspecting from Komori too. “It was nice to talk to you, Yaku san. Thank you for the tips.” He winked at the shorter Libero. </p><p>“Whenever you want, Motoya.” Yaku winked back.</p><p>Sakusa made a face.</p><p>Komori walked towards Sakusa, and when they were about to leave the place, Yaku called him again. </p><p>“But Motoya… You didn’t really answer my question.” Yaku observed, smirking.</p><p>Komori only smiled at him. Now he was pretty sure Yaku knew lots more than the things he let out his mouth. But it didn’t seem like he was trying to get anyone into trouble. It was more like he was genuinely curious about the whole thing, and Komori found that kinda fun. If it were him the one on Yaku’s position, he probably would feel the same.</p><p>~</p><p><b>August 8, 202</b><br/>
The Olympic had come to an end. Japan’s National Team had made it into the quarter finals where they had faced Argentina. It was one of the best games Komori had ever played in his life. And it seems like everybody else felt the same. There were no regrets, nor any bad feelings. They had done their best, they had a great team and each of them had left everything on the court. Still, Argentina beaten them in a fair match that lasted 5 complete sets. </p><p>That Oikawa was really a good setter. </p><p>At the end of the game, he had seen Kageyama and Ushiwaka getting close to Oikawa Tooru to interchange some words. They had seemed happy and respectful. </p><p>That night, the whole team celebrated as if they had won. Even Sakusa acceded to have some fun with them. They have decided to stay there the days that were left. After all, the season wouldn’t start until November, they would have some free time until then.</p><p>Now, five days later, the Olympics were over, and everyone was getting ready to leave. </p><p>He and Sakusa hadn’t been alone that much since Komori’s birthday. He didn’t talk about that night either. There was nothing to be said, Komori thought. They kept hanging around together, but now they found themselves accompanied with some of their teammates. Mostly, Kageyama and Hinata. Sometimes Atsumu, and a few times, Yaku.<br/>
Komori was sitting next to Sakusa, away from the multitudes that eagerly watched the closure. He couldn’t avoid wondering if this was it, after all, he had told Sakusa to pretend they haven’t stopped talking for 3 years at least until the Olympics were over. And now, they were over, and the future days seemed kind of uncertain.  Should he bring the topic up? Should they talk about it? Should Komori tell him why had he gotten upset that day in the restaurant? Komori’s stomach clenched. He wasn’t sure anymore he wanted to do that. Maybe it was better just to forget everything, to start again…</p><p> </p><p>“Motoya…” Sakusa took him out of his thoughts. “Olympics are over.” He said, maybe reading Komori’s mind.</p><p>“Yeah… it was fun, huh?” was the only thing he could say. </p><p>“Are we… “it was like Sakusa couldn’t find the proper words to say, still he was trying hard. “Can we keep in touch?”</p><p>Komori’s eyes widened. But he quickly nodded. </p><p>“Of course, I was kind of thinking the same.” He decided it was better just that way. Letting things happen. To relax and move forward with the flow.</p><p>“I had fun. It was… it was nice to spend some time with you again.” Sakusa was looking away, embarrassed with his cheesy confession.</p><p>But Komori couldn’t do anything else but smile broadly. His heart jumping joyfully. </p><p>“Me too, Kiyoomi. I had lots of fun too. Thank you for everything.” Sakusa looked at him narrowing his eyes and grabbing Komori’s hand. He was a little bit shocked, definitely not expecting that from Sakusa. But he didn’t move away. </p><p>“Let’s go. It’s about time to leave,” Sakusa said. “Text me when you get to your parents’ house.”</p><p>“Sure.” Komori said smiling as he stood up from the bench they were. </p><p> </p><p>They walked back to the dorms to grab their luggage. They had already said goodbye to the rest of their teammates and coaches. But they didn’t say goodbye to each other, maybe because it didn’t feel like an end for them. It was more like a new beginning, and with the silent promise of meeting again, the only things they said were stuff like ‘I’ll text you’ and ‘text me’. No farewells were said between them.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>
  <i> &gt;&gt; From: Motoya JNT L<br/>
Btw, Yaku san. The answer is no :P [11:01PM]<br/>
&lt;&lt; From: Yaku-san<br/>
Yet.<br/>
I’ll ask you again in 6 months 😉 [11:11PM] </i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think I'm this Yaku hahaha I just want to know about what's going on with Sakusa and Komori.<br/>I like to think of him like a supporter, even though he doesn't really know them that well. </p><p>We will see Yaku again a little bit later in the story.</p><p>I have a lot of things to do these days, so maybe updates will take me 10-14 days. But we're getting close to the scene that made me want to write this fic hahah so. I hope you keep enjoying with me :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>FINALLY!</p>
<p>I'm so sorry this took such a long time to be updated.<br/>I spent two weeks working on my Valentine's gift in a Miyacest interchange :$</p>
<p>A drawing and fic took most of  my time back then. (You can find the fic in my other works if you are interested. The drawing, though, it's in my twiiter account.)</p>
<p>And well, i spent the last 10 days working on this. It took me a lot, it simply wasn't what I wanted and spent a few days editing and changing things so it could be better. At the end I think i'm satisfied with it, so here you are n.n, please enjoy &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What a lovely surprise! It’s been a while since the last time we had you here, Kiyoomi kun!” Motoya’s mother had popped out her head from the living room entrance. Motoya was standing next to him, offering a pair of slippers large enough for his feet to fit in. </p>
<p>It’d been more than 15 years since the first time he officially met his aunt. But even when the time had taken some effects on her, she still looked fresh and young. Not a single white hair on her black mane. Blue eyes greeted him happily, matching perfectly with her warm smile. Some wrinkles formed on the corner of them, but Sakusa thought they looked just okay. </p>
<p>“Sorry for the sudden intrusion.” He replied bowing politely, offering a soft smile in return. </p>
<p>“Oh sweetheart, not at all. Please come in and take a sit with us. Motoya and I were having some watermelon.” She said moving her hands and pointing into the living room. Sakusa obeyed and followed. Motoya did too.</p>
<p>A week had already passed since the end of the Olympics, and the volleyball season wouldn’t start until next week. Motoya had convinced him to stay in Tokyo for a few days more, and both had agreed to ride the train back to Osaka and Hiroshima the next Saturday. </p>
<p>The night he came back to his apartment, Motoya had sent him a picture of his family. All of them smiling, hands up in a greeting sign. </p>
<p>At home already. Family says hello. -  Read the short message below the picture.</p>
<p>And Sakusa had felt a warm and familiar thrill on his chest. The longing of a place that was never his home but felt like it for so many years.</p>
<p>“Come home tomorrow!” his cousin suggested while facetiming. The next level of communication once you got over the 1013 daily messages with Motoya. “Pretty sure my parents and sister will love to see you.” he said in a joyful pitch.</p>
<p>And how to reject that? He couldn’t. Motoya wouldn’t let him, anyways.</p>
<p>“We saw you both on the tv at the Olympics.” Said Aunt Fumiko, serving a slice of juicy watermelon on the plate in front of him. “It’s a shame you couldn’t do after quarters, but you did a great job. We are so proud to have two Olympians in the family.” And for the big smile she offered, Sakusa could say she wasn’t lying. She looked proud. Sakusa blushed.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he muttered. Motoya was staring at him, a grin about to form on those lips of him.</p>
<p>“Come on, Mom! Don’t just blurt out that kind of stuff to Kiyoomi, you’ll make him look like a tomato.” And now he was laughing as he stood up and made his way to the kitchen.</p>
<p>Sakusa frown deeply. Blushed redder. He hated that idiot.</p>
<p>Aunt Fumiko only giggled. </p>
<p>“Say, Kiyoomi, are you staying over for dinner? Or do you have any plans with your family?”</p>
<p>Sakusa cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“I… My parents aren’t home right now. I met them before the Olympics. They send me a few messages back then. Told me they were going on a business trip for two weeks once they were over. They offered me to stay in the house if I needed to, but I’m more comfortable at my apartment.” Sakusa didn’t mind his family absence at all. It had always been like that, and even though they weren’t the closest or warmest family in the world, they still got along. There were never dramas or fights. Everything was a like a formal procedure, and he was more than good with it.</p>
<p>“Oh, mom, I already invited Kiyoomi for dinner. Sorry I didn’t tell you. I kind of wanted it to be a surprise.” Motoya was coming back from the kitchen. A knife and a fork in one hand, a few napkins in the other. He gave his mom an apologetic smile. </p>
<p>“It’s okay. I’m happy to have you both here. Then text your sisters and tell them Kiyoomi is having dinner with us so they can join us as soon as they finished their activities,” she requested looking at her son. Then she turned to meet Sakusa’s face. “You are always welcome here,” her voice soft and tender. </p>
<p>“Thank you…” Sakusa felt almost overwhelmed. Motoya placed the fork and the knife beside his plate and he knew for a fact he had missed this place.</p>
<p>“Let’s eat this watermelon, then you both can help me make dinner. It’d be fun to see how much your cooking skills have improved since you left home.” She said this as expecting a big mess coming from them. </p>
<p>“Sure!” Motoya’s voice sounded eager and Sakusa couldn’t help it but smile. He sure smiled lots more whenever he was here. It was kind of contagious. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t a peaceful dinner, not at all. Fights and jokes and teasing. Sakusa would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy every second of it. Food was delicious, chatting was nice, and they ate until their stomachs felt satisfied. </p>
<p>Ichika, Motoya’s younger sister was telling them how the volleyball team from college could tell right away Motoya was his older brother, but the moment she said the ace with the wicked serve, Sakusa Kiyoomi, was her cousin, no one would believe her. </p>
<p>“You don’t even look alike! You already have one Olympian as older brother, don’t go around saying Sakusa san is also your cousin.” She repeated, visibly annoyed and pouting cutely, just as Motoya usually did. “As if cousins had to look alike!”</p>
<p>Sakusa found some fun on it, but then the word cousins rang in his head.</p>
<p>“It’s not good you brag about it, though,” Mr. Komori observed. “Nobody likes someone that brags all the time. Stay humble. Besides, if you’re going to brag about something, at least make sure they are your own accomplishes.”</p>
<p>“Dad, please, don’t be such a party pooper.” Ichika let out squinting her eyes.</p>
<p>“He’s trying to look cool in front of Kiyoomi.” The older sister joked. Her mom slap her back softly, reminded her to respect her father. However, she was laughing too. </p>
<p>“Oh, which reminds me… “she resumed. “Kiyoomi kun, you probably will receive the invitation soon, but you’re attending my wedding, right? I won’t accept any excuse.”<br/>
Sakusa opened his eyes in surprise. He had no idea she was getting married. He didn’t even know she had a boyfriend. </p>
<p>“Oh, congratulations, I didn’t know you were getting married,” he said, voice polite and sincere. “And of course, I’m attending. Thank you for inviting me, Yua Nee san.”<br/>
Next to him he could feel Motoya’s smiling fondly. His heart clenched a bit.</p>
<p>“And don’t worry about volleyball, I made sure to choose a free day for you both.” She added proudly. </p>
<p>“Nee san has been dating this guy for about three years.” Motoya said, probably reading Sakusa’s previous thoughts. “A nice guy, you’ll like him. He doesn’t talk a lot.”<br/>
“What about you, little brother? Are you planning on taking someone to the wedding with you?” Yua asked with a smirk. </p>
<p>Sakusa’s heart stopped for a second. Motoya simply raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Nop,” Motoya answered flatly. </p>
<p>“Are you sure, Nii san? We’ve noticed you are texting someone a lot these days. Don’t think we haven’t seen the idiotic face you make whenever you see at your phone screen,” Ichika was being sharp as usual. She had become a terribly honest person. </p>
<p>“Careful with that mouth, young one. You are in front of your parents, with your family.” Her mom scolded her with a severe look on her eyes. Ichika shrugged and apologized.</p>
<p>“Is Motoya dating someone?” Mr. Komori asked not minding hiding his curiosity.</p>
<p>And Sakusa felt a deep pressure on his chest. Was Motoya texting someone else while they texted as well? After all, he had told him he might like someone and… and Sakusa felt like a big mess. The idea of Motoya dating a girl (or a boy) hadn’t even crossed his mind; but Motoya was a pro athlete, with a well built-up body, and a good-looking face. In addition, he was kind, friendly and caring. It wouldn’t be surprising if a few were chasing his toes… and there was always the chance of him falling for one of those people, right?... The pressure felt now like a stitch. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not dating anyone, dad.” But Motoya’s cheeks were lit in a bright pink betraying his words and Sakusa noticed how his cousin’s shoulder had tensed little.</p>
<p>“Don’t lie, you weren’t in such lovely mood before. Did you meet someone at the Olympics?” Yua asked curiously.</p>
<p>“He didn’t,” Sakusa got surprised by his own words. He didn’t mean to say that aloud. “I mean… we were all the time together. Training. Studying matches. No time for meeting the other athletes.” </p>
<p>Motoya’s eyes were wide open, but somehow his body had relaxed. He was about to say something, but before he could, Aunt Fumiko spoke again.</p>
<p>“Okay, stop it there. Leave him alone. I’m pretty sure Motoya would tell us if he had met someone, no need for him to lie. And even if didn’t want to share that right away, it’s none of our business. Am I clear?” her voice raised enough for them to acknowledge the thing ended there.</p>
<p>“Yes, mom.” Both girls answered, visibly discouraged. </p>
<p>“Thanks, Mom!” Motoya wide smile said more than only thank you. </p>
<p>“Okay then, we better start cleaning.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Motoya was looking at him in the dark, his eyes shining with the reflected lights from outside the window. They were lying side by side on the mattresses over the wooden floor. The night was silent and the only thing Sakusa heard was Motoya’s breath.</p>
<p>“What is it, Kiyoomi? What’s on your mind?” his cousin asked in a hush. </p>
<p>But Sakusa wasn’t sure what exactly was on his mind. He didn’t answer, his eyes fixed on the ceiling he could barely see. </p>
<p>“You know… I’m not dating anyone. I’d tell you if I were…” Motoya mumbled.</p>
<p>Sakusa’s heart raced up. </p>
<p>“However,” he continued in a whisper. “I told you there was someone.”</p>
<p>“Is that someone the one your sisters were talking about?” Sakusa felt his chest going heavy.</p>
<p>“Mmnh…” Motoya barely babble an affirmation. </p>
<p>“So, you guys are texting a lot these days? I mean when we are not.” Sakusa’s voice trembled slightly. He needed confirmation.</p>
<p>“You… you are very stupid and oblivious… “he replied in a tired tone, turning to lay on his back. “I haven’t told him yet. We got interrupted when I was about to kiss him…”<br/>
Sakusa gulped, his heart going even faster. His head tilted slightly to look at Motoya, perhaps looking for an ocean to dive into. But the libero had half of his face covered with an arm and the only thing Sakusa could see was a pair of lips pressed together, as if forcing the words to stay inside.</p>
<p>Frustration. Growing inside with the memory. Just a blur of things he wasn’t sure were real or just part of a daydreaming. Maybe a misunderstanding.<br/>
“Not telling him yet…” he heard Motoya’s voice almost fading away, lips barely opened. Moving slowly to face the wall, back on Sakusa.</p>
<p>“Why not…?” Sakusa asked in a quiet voice, almost a whisper. </p>
<p>“I’m scared…. I just remembered how stupid he can be.” </p>
<p>Motoya’s voice sounded distant, words crashing into a wall. Sakusa’s chest was a heavy mixture of emotions. Excitement and eagerness were followed by confusion and guilt. Denial and rejection. The sudden urge to say something was blocked by a knot on his throat. He turned around, eyes on Motoya’s neck. </p>
<p>Silence. His cousin hadn’t said any other word in minutes. </p>
<p>Sakusa felt his body go dizzy, desire building gradually inside. He wanted to touch him, to embrace him. His arm moved willing to reach for Motoya’s warm body, he could hear his own heart, pounding loudly, going wild, until a subtle snore interrupted any thoughts. He went steady, arm still on the air.</p>
<p>Motoya had fallen asleep.</p>
<p>Sakusa’s arm dropped against the mattress, he giggled, a smile nobody would ever see forming on his lips. All his worries were washed away in a matter of seconds. Guilt and confusion replaced by love and tenderness. </p>
<p>It’s okay… it’s okay. </p>
<p>He lied to himself so well he thought he believed it. Motoya’s breathes worked like a lullaby. Soon, fatigue took him out from reality, into a deep sleep where things were more meant to be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>&gt;&gt; From: Kiyoomi &lt;3<br/>
In my room already.<br/>
How’s the trip?   [1:47PM] </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>&lt;&lt; From: Motoya -3-<br/>
It’s alright. I still have more than an hour left. I’ll listen to some music, maybe nap a little. [1:48PM]</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>&gt;&gt; From: Kiyoomi &lt;3<br/>
Don’t nap on the train. Text me when you arrive in your dorm. [1:53] </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Komori smiled. He was riding the train back to Hiroshima. Kiyoomi had left half an hour ago, in Osaka. They had met at the station and taken the train back to the volleyball quarters together.</p>
<p>Kiyoomi texted him as soon as he arrived at his place, and that made Komori’s heart went all fond. </p>
<p>He knew this was exactly what his sisters meant back then at dinner. He couldn’t help it. Just as his younger sister had claimed, he smiled like an idiot every time he would find a message from Kiyoomi. </p>
<p>He didn’t realize how much he had missed him during the last three years. Somehow, those years seemed too far from today. Like a strange dream, vivid in your memory but far away from being true.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Only that it wasn’t a dream and it had actually happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had come to a decision after that. Well, maybe it wasn’t only one thing, but a series of events that led him to a path he never thought he would take. But that had been the breaking point for him. It hadn’t been exactly a big deal, but it had hurt his heart in a way he couldn’t explain. He wasn’t that strong after all. </p>
<p>He would have been happy only with the peaceful days they happened to share, with the occasionally calls or messages. A reunion, or family gathering from time to time. It always felt right. Being able to share these small things with Kiyoomi had always been enough. Until maybe it wasn’t. Until he came to receive much less from what he offered. </p>
<p>And just then, he said goodbye.</p>
<p>He made his mind and made his choices. Kiyoomi had always felt like home to him. A place he was willing to come back from time to time. And just like all places that make us beam in joy, Motoya found it hard to leave. Soon realizing that going away from the things you love is not an easy task to do. It requires all your strength and decision. Because the world is full of ephemeral things changing all the time. And just like every season comes to an end and passes, he knew that, this too, would pass.  And one day he woke up and everything around felt right. No motives for being down. No reason for not smiling or laughing ad he usually did. And everything, once again, looked bluer through his pretty eyes that shine with the sun and the sky. He met new people and made new friends. He became one of the best Liberos in the country. He did well.<br/>
And then, on another day after leaving home, he found out Kiyoomi was dating Ushijima. </p>
<p>If he felt his heart stop and clench he didn’t show. He only smiled and wished happiness to them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>                                                                                                                                       Kiyoomi never looked out for him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And albeit he wanted to ignore it, to pretend those years had never occurred in the first place, deep inside, he knew perfectly well they were still there, ready to chase them if he didn’t do something about it. </p>
<p>But wasn’t it the past something we should just leave where it belonged? Buried into our memories. After all, they had met again and talked normally. Maybe he had just misunderstood things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                                                                                                                                                 (Only that he hadn’t.)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>
  <b> October 2021 (One month left for Motoya’s sister wedding). </b>
</p>
<p>Suna Rintaro was lazily scrolling down the screen of his phone. Nothing worth to talk about today. Some pictures from Atsumu and the Black Jackals hanging around. </p>
<p>Hehe the three dorks. </p>
<p>But he had to admit all of them were big monsters he secretly respected. Well maybe not Atsumu. He didn’t respect Atsumu that much, but he recognized his talent as a setter.</p>
<p>He turned around, searching for Komori. They were supposed to have dinner together and he was waiting for him. The Libero was walking towards him, phone still on his ear. He was happily chatting, something that had become the regular. </p>
<p>Komori stood in front of him, saying his “see you later” to the person on the other side of the line. Suna looked at him raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Sorry for making you wait, Rin. Shall we go?”</p>
<p>Suna wondered if he really was sorry. </p>
<p>“Sure.” He replied flatly as they started making their way. “Was it him again?”</p>
<p>“You mean, Sakusa?” Komori gave him a quick gaze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suna didn’t answer. Komori knew perfectly well that, yes, he meant Sakusa.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah yes, we were talking about some stuff. He’ll come to Hiroshima next Monday.” He said happily. Komori looked so cheerful that Suna thought he would start humming silly songs any time soon.</p>
<p>He wished for that not to happen. </p>
<p>“You have grown closer again, huh? Texting and talking every day, visiting each other. Osaka isn’t that close, even if you take the train…. “Suna’s tone of voice was calm. His eyes plain as usual. He didn’t mean any harm with these words, still he wanted to know.</p>
<p>“It’s not that much. Well, at least not the visits. We’ve only seen each other like 4 or 5 times since season started. And well yeah… maybe we text and facetime a little, but it’s just our daily stuff. Nothing important.” Komori shrugged, maybe inducing where this conversation was going.</p>
<p>“You see him more often than you see your mom.”</p>
<p>“So what? The same can be said of you. I see you almost always.”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t count. We are in the same team. But anyways, thought you and Sakusa weren’t talking anymore… That the Olympics were an exception because of team’s matters.”<br/>
Komori smirk.</p>
<p>“Are you jealous, Rin?” he said in a teasing tone. </p>
<p>“I might be, but that’s not the point.” Suna replied with a smile. He wasn’t upset, and his smile was, in fact, an honest and soft one.</p>
<p>“Aww Rin, you’ll make me fall for you,” Komori’s eyes squinted in a lovely way, wide grin expanding over his lips.</p>
<p>Suna laughed.</p>
<p>“Naaa, you don’t have such good taste. Too much for you to handle.” Suna shrugged. “It seems like I’m not gloomy enough, or blood-related…” Suna was agile enough to dodge the little kick that Komori had thrown at him. With a mocking giggle he stood far away from Komori keeping himself safe from his blows.</p>
<p>“Quit it off, Rin! And spit it already,” Komori complained, lips together in a pout and eyes squinting. </p>
<p>Suna took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he should be the one saying this, but he knew someone had to. He took it for Komori.</p>
<p>“Look, I don’t want to sound like a grandma and that, you know I don’t really care about who other ones decide to date or anything, but… Just, don’t forget it. He’s your cousin, and he is a boy. And maybe we don’t mind about it, nor many of the people we know… But, what about him? Does he mind? Does he even know, Motoya? Have you told him and talked about it? Or you two are just stupidly pinning for each other, purposely ignoring you are?”</p>
<p>Komori remained silent, eyes on the floor. </p>
<p>“I haven’t told him. I’m not even sure what is this. It just happens and I let myself to be taken away by it…” Komori mumbled.</p>
<p>At least he was being honest with himself on this.</p>
<p>“And then what? How much time can you spend pretending you are just okay with it?” Suna’s words were like small blades breaking through Komori’s chest. “If I knew this was just a game for you two, I wouldn’t say anything. I swear. But I’ve seen how your eyes burst out sparks of love every fucking time you talk to him, or how that stupid smile of yours softens when you see him… It’s so cheesy I feel like throwing up.” </p>
<p>Komori giggled. He knew Suna wasn’t serious about that last part, it was his way to sound less worried than he actually was. Suna was a good person. He cared about his teammates and friends. Komori appreciated that.</p>
<p>“And what I’m trying to say… You’d better figure out what’s on his mind before it becomes too heavy for you to lift. But most important, be always honest with yourself… “Suna finally observed.</p>
<p>Komori stared up at him, he was smiling but he wasn’t. There was some kind of pain on his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’ve always been honest to myself. Ever since high school when I finally understood my own feelings. I never did anything about it because things with Kiyoomi were just the way they had always been. They felt natural. I thought it was like a silent agreement. No words needed to be spoken. But I think you are right. I should stop assuming he knows and feels the same, because I doubt, he does… like, actively… “Komori sighed all his sorrows. Suna didn’t expect him to vent this much, but he was glad he did.</p>
<p>Suna nodded in understanding.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Rin…” Komori gave him a broad shining smile. Suna blushed slightly. “I’ll figure things out after the wedding. I don’t want things to get awkward before or during the event.”</p>
<p>“A wise choice,” Suna agreed. “And you’re welcome,” he said returning the smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suna Rintarou might have or haven’t liked Komori in a romantic way. But ever since he met him for the first time in the High School Nationals, he knew falling for him was just a lost battle where the only one fighting would be him. Becoming friends with him, however, was something he could permit himself to do. The perfect excuse to take care of that lovely smile of his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p><b>November 20, 2021 Wedding Day</b><br/>
Sakusa arrived at the hotel where the wedding reception would take place. A skinny woman in a black suit showed him the way to his seat. The salon was wide and well decorated. Mostly in white and orange colors that represented the late fall. Sakusa’s eyes observed carefully, scanning for every possibility of dirty. Nothing was found. The place, of course, was completely neat and had a good smell. </p>
<p>However, it was still a single place holding a quite mass of a crowd. Sakusa frowned. He’d like to wear his mask right now, but that was not a possibility today. He sighed in resignation, just arriving to his assigned table.</p>
<p>“Son,” his father greeted. “it is good to see you again. Take a sit with us.” His tone was deep and polite as usual. His mother and much older siblings smiled at him. He greeted them all with a slight nod, taking place next to his brother. </p>
<p>“Your father’s sister, Fumiko, came earlier to greet us. Motoya kun was helping her with some things. That boy still radiates happiness.” She said, and Sakusa couldn’t tell whether that was a good or bad thing.</p>
<p>“And Yua looks gorgeous on her wedding dress,” her sister informed him for some reason, eyes still scanning her cousin. </p>
<p> Sakusa’s eyes moved to look at Yua Nee san. His sister was right, she looked beautiful. Sakusa smiled without thinking, soon coming back to his cold face.</p>
<p>His family asked him the regular questions, he gave his regular answers. His mother and father started talking about job, while his older brother asked some things about his volleyball career and what was his plan after retiring from it, probably in 10 or 15 years if he was lucky enough. </p>
<p>Sakusa explained him a very well detailed plan that would leave no space for further questions. His brother seemed satisfied, since no more inquiries came from him. His sister started talking about her job too, receiving some tips from his parents. She also mentioned the name of a man she seemed to be dating. Sakusa wanted to pay attention to the words of his family, but his eyes, nevertheless, were looking for someone else.</p>
<p>As the bride’s brother, Motoya had attended the Shinto Wedding Ceremony at the shrine early in the morning. Of course, he had sent him a couple of pictures already. Her sister and mom wearing the traditional white and black kimonos. His father and now brother in low wearing their traditional clothes as well. But Motoya hadn’t sent a single picture of him, which was kind of surprising, since his cousin loved to take selfies.  </p>
<p>With the sudden need  to see him, maybe looking for a comfortable and safe place to be, he excused himself to his family.</p>
<p>“I’m going to show my respects and best wishes to the couple.” He explained.</p>
<p>“Sure, Kiyoomi. Go on. We did it already.” His mom gave him an encouraged smile. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adding no more, Sakusa made his way through tables and people he didn’t know nor recognized. Sometimes stopping to avoid crashing against a waiter or another guest. A pair of delicate fingers grabbed his wrist and he jolted with the contact. He turned around, visibly annoyed just to meet another pair of bushy eyebrows and a matching wide smile. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kiyoomi Nii san, how do I look?” Ichika said, opening her arms so he could see her more clearly. She was wearing a pretty, dark blue gown; her hair made up in a nice knot.<br/>
Sakusa, still shocked by the contact of her fingers, stayed still for a bit until the words finally came. </p>
<p>“Good.” He said looking down at her younger cousin (20 or 21 years old?) who could barely reach Sakusa’s chest height.</p>
<p>She squinted her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good.” She repeated with a mocking flat voice. “You could be nicer and say at least I look better than usual or prettier.” She complained.</p>
<p>“But you look just the same as usual,” Sakusa replied raising an eyebrow. “You always look good, don’t you?” Sakusa said, walking again to reach Yua’s table.<br/>
Ichika walked with him, a sour smile on her lips.</p>
<p>“I forgive you this one. A clever retrieval, but still not enough, Kiyoomi Nii san.” She said, giving up on any non-existent compliment coming from his cousin.<br/>
Sakusa gave her a teasing smile before politely bowing to the happy couple that was now in front of them.</p>
<p>“Congratulations on your union, I wish you both a happy and prosper life.” Yua wasn’t wearing the traditional white kimono he had seen on the pictures Motoya sent him before. Now both, she, and her husband, wore western wedding outfits, white dress, and formal dark blue suit. </p>
<p>“Ahh Kiyoomi kun, I’m glad you made It here. Thank you for your good wishes. Have you talked with your parents already?” she asked, a hand almost posing on his shoulder, quickly retrieving.</p>
<p>“I have. Thank you.” Yua nodded and turned to see Ichika.</p>
<p>“Why do you have that big grimace on your face?” </p>
<p>“Kiyoomi kun won’t give me any compliments, and I think I look beautiful enough for him to say something.”</p>
<p>“And what makes you think he would? He hadn’t told anything to me and I’m the bright.”</p>
<p>Both girls looked at him with apprehensive eyes. Fortunately for Sakusa, other guests had come to the table to talk with the couple. He took his chance, and sneaked out of there, making his way to a solitary corner close to the entrance at the end of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A soft melody filled his ear as it was being played in the reception room. Little murmurs came from all tables. In the distance, his family seemed to be having a serious conversation, probably about the country's economy. Sakusa didn't have much desire to return. He wondered where Motoya was and why he hadn’t sent him any message since early morning. He reached for his phone, determined. But before he could type a single letter, the pressured of two hands suddenly covering his eyes stopped him. His body relaxed. A familiar scent filling his lungs. </p>
<p>“Motoya…” he whispered. A goofy giggled followed his words. The pair of hands setting him free, returning his sight.</p>
<p>Startled, Sakusa turned around. Bushy eyebrows over blue orbs greeted him cheerfully.</p>
<p>"I found you!" Motoya's playful voice whined. </p>
<p>Sakusa’s breath was taken away, leaving him speechless. Motoya’s hair looked different. It wasn’t his usual style divided by the middle. It was shorter, combed to the right side in a stylish way that suited him perfectly. Besides, the black suit and white tie made him look not only elegant but also extremely…  good. The fabric adjusting to his body, making justice to his thighs and buttocks.</p>
<p>“I… I mean, you, were you looking for me?” his voice came in an awkward nervous string. </p>
<p>His cousin looked at him curiously, perhaps noticing.</p>
<p>“Not exactly, but I was wondering when you would arrive,” he replied, fingers tenderly sliding on his forearm. “Did the train have a delay or something?”</p>
<p>“Gorgeous…” Sakusa muttered, clearly not paying attention to Motoya’s words.</p>
<p>“What?” Motoya asked in surprised.</p>
<p>“You look gorgeous.” Sakusa had given up. He no longer minded.</p>
<p>Komori blushed, face covered in a bright obvious pink too quicky for him to hide it.</p>
<p>“Thank you…” he said looking away and suppressing a smile. “Let’s… let’s go with our parents, it’s almost time for the meal.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a nice reception. They had enjoyed a good meal and played some games Sakusa was obligated to take part in. Sometimes he threw a glance at Motoya when he thought no one was looking their way. He felt his eyes melt with the simple image of Motoya’s white clean teeth under his probably soft lips. The way his Adam’s apple went down to erotically… and stopped. Sakusa reproached himself, washing away such thoughts.</p>
<p>Motoya had told him about the ceremony at the shrine and how precious and magical it felt. Sakusa wondered if Motoya dreamt about having something like that in the future. If he was willing to share his life with someone else… </p>
<p>“Hey, are you dare?” Motoya was talking to him, softly pushing his shoulder. “Time to go, reception is over.”</p>
<p>And it was true. By the entrance, Yua and her husband were standing to say goodbye to the people. Most guests had expressed their gratitude and had already left. Sakusa’s parents and siblings were about to do the same, all of them holding the small gift the couple had given to everyone. He stood up immediately to farewell them. They told him a few worlds and advices before making their way to the exit. He smiled at them thankfully and wished them a safe trip.</p>
<p>Though the reception at the hotel was over, they still had to attend an after party at a Fancy Karaoke place close to his apartment in Tokyo. He wasn’t eager to be in a place like that with young reckless people, but he knew his cousins too well to even look for an excuse to reject such event. </p>
<p>Fortunately for him, they didn’t last that much at there.</p>
<p>Motoya of course sang a couple of songs. His voice wasn’t great, but Sakusa had to admit he had a contagious feeling when singing. Sakusa, on the other hand, refused to sing a single song, but help his cousins with a stupid chorus. </p>
<p>Soon enough people started to get drunk and annoying, so Motoya grabbed him by the arm and told him to leave. Sakusa agreed immediately.<br/>
“It’s almost 11pm, they should be fine without us” His cousin said in quiet chuckle. </p>
<p>“Didn’t want to come in the first place.” Deep frown forming on his face.</p>
<p>“I know,” Motoya laughed. “But thank you for doing so. Sorry if the last minutes were more than uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>Sakusa only shrugged. </p>
<p>“Are you staying at my place?” he asked then.</p>
<p>“Only if you don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“You know I don’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They made their way in the middle of the night to Sakusa's apartment. It was a safe area and Tokyo's nightlife kept quite a few young people on its streets. Many of them drunk, some others just having fun. He and Motoya hadn't touched a single drop of alcohol. Sakusa was not used to doing it and Motoya, although he was more of a social drinker, had decided not to be today.</p>
<p>"I need to stay completely sober." He had told her, although Sakusa wasn't sure why. Not that he cared, he preferred it that way anyway.<br/>
In the middle of the road, Motoya gasped and turned to see him intently and decisively. A chill ran down his spine. </p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p> "We didn't take a picture together Kiyoomi!" he said as outraged. "It would be a shame if we didn't take one now. Just look at us, completely stylish and attractive." </p>
<p>Sakusa only raised an eyebrow but didn't resist when Motoya hugged him friendly as he lifted the phone from him in front of them, ready to capture the moment in a selfie. They both smiled. Motoya offering a wide and refreshing smile. Sakusa, just a slight smile that was barely visible.</p>
<p>“There… we look stunning, no doubt” he proudly bragged.</p>
<p>“Sure, let’s keep moving.” Sakusa answered as he took Motoya’s phone with no permission only to send the picture to himself.</p>
<p>Motoya tittered.</p>
<p>“I’m uploading it on Instagram, anyways. You could just take it from it.”</p>
<p>“Mmm… Never check on Instagram. I’d better take it now.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Once in the apartment, Motoya let out a long, long yawn. Arms and back stretching. </p>
<p>"What a day, I hadn't analyzed how exhausted I was." he said with narrowed eyes. </p>
<p>"You can sleep in my bed so that you are more comfortable, I will spread a futon for me on the floor." Sakusa offered kindly, in full understanding of his cousin's exhaustion. "Why don't you take a shower first, it will help relax your muscles."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> Motoya smiled happily and nodded. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Good idea." he said as he made his way to Sakusa's room. "I'll get some clothes to sleep on," he added, losing himself in the threshold of Sakusa's room. </p>
<p>Sakusa went to the kitchen for some glasses of water. And before joining Motoya in his room he made sure to leave everything in order in the rest of the place. In the bedroom, he found his cousin lying on his bed, still fully clothed and with both hands resting on his stomach. His back leaned against the mattress while half of his legs dangled off him, feet touching the floor.</p>
<p>Sakusa walked over and Motoya motioned for him to lie down next to him. With a half-resigned sigh, he set the glasses of water on the nightstand, and obeyed. His body slumped next to Motoya's, elbows lightly brushing each other. His breaths were calm, and although neither seemed to have anything to say, it was one of those comfortable silences that seemed to exist only to bring some peace to our tired minds.</p>
<p>Sakusa turned her head slightly in Motoya's direction. His cousin was staring at the ceiling, probably lost in thought of him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What's on your mind, Motoya?" he asked quietly.</p>
<p> Motoya turned to see him. His deep blue eyes were undecided. His lips moved a little as if searching for the words that were hidden inside him. Stuck in his throat, disappearing once he sought to convey them. </p>
<p>Both were still and in silence for a couple of minutes, lost in each other's eyes, searching for whatever the absence of words had left in the air.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> "You," Motoya muttered without looking away. "That’s what I have on my mind. You." his eyes seemed determined at last. As if they had finally found the words they needed so badly. </p>
<p>Sakusa's eyes widened. He needed more. </p>
<p>He got up leaning on his elbows. His cousin followed him. Their faces some centimeters apart. </p>
<p>Then, Motoya's was filled with courage. Perhaps finding strength in Sakusa’s jet-black eyes. Without hesitation and fully determined, he let out a short breath before speaking again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I like you Kiyoomi," His cousin finally said. "I like you so much I'm going to explode."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's it hehehe.<br/>I'm finally about to write the scene that gave me the idea of this whole fic, i'll work hard on it, so it can be good. I'm planning on doing it in 10 days as much, but with all the work i had had recently, it may be take a bit more.</p>
<p>Anyways, i hope you liked this chapter. </p>
<p>Here's the link of a drawing I made of how I imagine Motoya on the suit and with different hairstyle:<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/Blue17Ms/status/1364821034549972992">Komori's wedding appearance </a></p>
<p>Special thanks to Sato for helping me with this.</p>
<p>Also, thank you so much for reading and leaving such nice comments :') it makes me really happy.<br/>See you next time! n.n</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally!!!<br/>It took me more than i wanted, but here it is. Ch. 7<br/>I hope you like it! and I hope I can write faster too.</p>
<p>Also, i want to say thank you to Alleria for starting translating this story into Chinese. It's such a honor. You are making me really happy. I'm glad so far until now you have enojoyed the story, hope you enjoy it until the end &lt;3</p>
<p>Special greetings to Alleria, and SkyCastle, and MoonLord. Thak you guys, for reading my words.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I like you Kiyoomi," he finally said. "I like you so much I'm going to explode."</p>
<p>In front of him, still propped up on his elbows and only a few inches apart, his cousin watched him. His eyes had widened in surprise, followed by a grimace of confusion. Komori noticed how Sakusa's lips parted maybe trying to figure out what to say.</p>
<p>Komori felt as his heart was about to leave his chest. He had felt so determined about this just some seconds ago, but now he was seriously considering playing the old card of  <i>“Can’t believe you actually fell into this joke!”.</i> The lack of any answer leaded to no doubt that he had misunderstood everything. That whatever he thought was happening was no more than his old feelings playing against him again.</p>
<p>How on earth had he dared to think there was something else going on between there? After all, they were family, right? His romantic feelings had been embraced only by the fraternal love his protective cousin had on him. That was it. Nothing more in there.</p>
<p>“You mean… romantically?” the voice of Sakusa broke into his thoughts. Sakusa gulped as a serious expression painted on his face. Albeit his visible troubled face, he kept his eyes on Komori’s, making the last one even more nervous.</p>
<p>Komori open his mouth, jaw trembling a little. Perhaps this was his chance to retrieve. The only opportunity he had to give up on this shit and take his confession back. He could easily claim his feelings were merely fraternal. That he liked him so much but just as family… it was stupid, but he knew Sakusa would let it pass not asking any more questions.</p>
<p>But, was that what Komori wanted? Would he be able to keep going normally after tonight? Pretending nothing happened, pretending his feelings didn’t matter and haven’t been there for such long time? No. He could not. There was no point of return. Not this time.</p>
<p>“Yeah… romantically,” his voice was barely audible; however, judging by Sakusa’s expression, he could say his cousin had understood perfectly well his answer. Sakusa looked even more troubled than before as if trying to process Komori’s confession. Komori couldn’t take it any longer. He rolled to lie con his back, right arm covering his face. </p>
<p>Hi sighed deeply. </p>
<p>Maybe he should leave now and try to talk to Sakusa when things cool off a bit. But being honest, what would he say… <i>”Ah yes… I like you in a romantic way. Let just keep hanging around as usual.”</i> Lame. Maybe this was the end, maybe he should disappear and never bother Sakusa again, maybe he had imagined things <i>where love is not meant to be.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe he wanted to cry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Komori moved to straight up, but before he could, he felt a hand grabbing the wrist on his face. A warm body hovering above him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Motoya,” Sakusa muttered as he took Komori’s arm away. Black curls falling gracefully down his forehead. “We’re cousins”.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A fact. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Komori averted his gaze. A sad expression playing across his face. </p>
<p>“I know…” he said in a small whisper. His lips pressed tightly, as if that would silence the sorrow.</p>
<p>“And we both are boys…” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another fact. Komori shut his eyes closed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We are…”</p>
<p>He could feel Sakusa's breath hitting his nose. Was he getting closer to him? His cousin's ragged breathing was beginning to create a certain effect on Komori’s lower part. </p>
<p>The image of him over his body, just a few inches away. The contact of his fingers that tightly held his wrist against the mattress. </p>
<p>
  <i>Oh dear Lord, please not now. It’s not the time! </i>
</p>
<p>And then, a trembling hand cupped his cheek. Komori's heart jumped in his chest. his eyes widened in surprise, settling on his cousin's.</p>
<p>“It’s… not okay…” Sakusa mumbled, chest and shoulders slowly leaning down towards Komori.</p>
<p>Komori’s breathing was beginning to shake.</p>
<p>“It’s not… “A gasp. Lips remining separated. </p>
<p>“Nor… possible…”</p>
<p>“At all…”</p>
<p>Their noses were brushing now. Chests going up and down in a rush. Breathes getting mixed. A subtle tremble that came both ways. </p>
<p>“It'd be a problem…” Sakusa titled his head, lips looking his way to paradise.</p>
<p>“Yeah… big trouble…” Komori intended to say, but his words got muffed by a pair of soft lips that desperate were seeking for his. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mouths crashed together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a tender kiss at first. Lips brushing each other, searching for the warm only they could provide. </p>
<p>Sakusa slid his arms to grab Komori’s hands. Fingers entwined against the mattress on each side of his head. Heavy breaths through their noses. It was unbelievable, unreal, just like a dream you wish you would never wake up from. And for a moment, Komori wondered if he had fallen asleep on Sakusa’s bed and started having a wet dream with his cousin. But the weight on his chest said otherwise. This was happening. Anticipation filling up his whole body, heat reaching his limbs. </p>
<p>He felt the warmth of Sakusa’s lips pressed against his mouth.</p>
<p>Sakusa was kissing him, and of course, he was kissing him back. He was holding his hands, letting his body rest on Komori’s. And oh God, Komori was so in love with him he thought that maybe, he would really explode.</p>
<p>Komori opened his mouth to kiss at Sakusa’s lower lip, biting softly and just a bit. Sakusa gasped, searching for air, maybe trying to steal Komori’s breath.</p>
<p>Komori opened his mouth too, and Sakusa took the chance to slide his tongue into his mouth. Sakusa’s tongue swirled, tongues brushing, a warm and wet feeling. Breath was leaving Komori, lips welcoming every kiss with passion, always in need of more.</p>
<p>Sakusa moved to kiss the corner of Komori’s mouth. </p>
<p>Komori felt himself panting as Sakusa traced sloppy kisses from his jaw to his neck. Hands setting him free as they made their way to Komori’s shirt, slowly unbuttoned it.<br/>
Komori placed his arms around Sakusa’s neck, hips instinctively tilting up to grind against him.</p>
<p>Sakusa groaned. </p>
<p>Komori felt all his air leaving his body and his heart stopping for a second; Sakusa’s length was full hard under the fabric of his pants. Komori’s body sent jolts of pleasure mixed with heat to his own member. </p>
<p>Sakusa raised his head to look at Komori through glassy eyes. Komori met his gaze and kissed him again, sliding one of his hands to unbuttoned Sakusa’s shirt as well. Melting into the kiss.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Sakusa’s hands reached for Komori’s nipples, rubbing small circles on top of them as his hips lowered down to jerk on their shafts.</p>
<p>This time, it was Komori the one groaning, biting hard at Sakusa’s lip, sensing the flavor of blood on his tongue, and feeling precum spilling over his now fully hard cock. Sakusa whimpered at the noise and friction of their lengths against each other. At the slight flavor of blood coming out from his lower lip. Komori’s hand moved down, finding Sakusa’s length over his pants, carefully massaging, softly pressing against it.</p>
<p>Sakusa’s body trembled as he let a husky noise leave his lungs. </p>
<p>"Mmnhh,” Sakusa moaned on Komori’s ear, hips rocking fiercely into the touch. Fingers pinching Komori’s nipples.</p>
<p>“Ahh,” Komori gasped, feeling his own cock twitch, demanding for attention too. </p>
<p>He slid both hands down reaching for Sakusa’s belt. His cousin let his nipples to lean on his elbows, lifting his hips slightly to give Komori more space down there.<br/>
Komori took away Sakusa’s belt and did the same with his. Sakusa straight up on his knees, taking his shirt and pants off as quickly as he could, still panting and eyes fixed on Komori’s face. Komori followed, straighten up and getting rid of his fabrics to throw them away on the floor. </p>
<p>They stayed there for a moment. Kneeling on the mattress only wearing their black tight underwear. Facing each other, cheeks painted red, mouths gasping for some air.<br/>
Komori leaned and kissed Sakusa again, stealing the little amount of air he had left.</p>
<p>He posed a hand on Sakusa’s chest. Slowly sliding it down. Fingers tracing every inch of skin. Feelings Sakusa’s abs in the process. Soon reaching for the waistband of his boxers. </p>
<p>Komori shakily moved his hand inside them, grabbing the top of Sakusa’s length with the tip of his fingers. Sakusa moaned, pressing his hands-on Komori’s shoulders, and hiding his nose into his neck. Komori grabbed his cousin’s shaft completely, feeling precum slicked across his palm.</p>
<p>Sakusa was gasping hot air into his neck. Making him even harder. He took out his own member, pulling Sakusa’s body closer to his allowing his hard cocks rub against each other.</p>
<p>They both shuddered. He felt Sakusa’s nails burying in his shoulders’ skin.</p>
<p>He moved one hand into Sakusa’s back head, sliding it into his curls, pushing it against his neck. His other hand started working his lengths, jerking off slowly, friction sending jolts of pleasure all over their bodies. </p>
<p>The moment he moved Sakusa’s hips jerked up. His cousin let escaped an erotic moan that felt hot against Komori’s neck. Komori knew he could come only by this, but he wanted more, he wanted the full trip.</p>
<p>He kept stroking and Sakusa’s hips starting undulating into the touch, now biting, and sucking the side of Komori’s neck, probably leaving some hickeys.<br/>
Komori groaned, hips jolting up. Hand grabbing tighter. </p>
<p>"Fuck," Komori breathed, pulse pounding in the head of his cock. He needed more, and judging by the way Sakusa moved and breath, he needed more too. </p>
<p>“Kiyoomi…” he managed to say in a gasp. His hand had left Komori’s head to lean against Sakusa’s chest, feeling his heart pounding. </p>
<p>Sakusa moved titling his head up, hands still on Komori’s shoulders.</p>
<p>Komori felt the heat on his face, embarrassment burning his cheeks red. </p>
<p>"I want..." he trailed off. “I want you to fuck me.”</p>
<p>Sakusa’s body fell into complete stillness. Eyes growing large.</p>
<p>He opened his mouth in a failure attempt to answer. He blinked twice, cheeks burning red too.</p>
<p>“You… sure?” he asked, mouth going dry. “We don’t have to rush things…” Sakusa babbled. Komori could see the lust in his eyes, though. He wanted this as much as he did.</p>
<p>“Waiting for 10 years is not rushing…” he answered. Sakusa gulped. Cock twitching.</p>
<p>"Okay," he said, as he moved around to take some lube and a condom from a dresser.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Komori shed his underwear and settled back against the mattress. Sakusa did the same with his clothes and returned to the bed to make some space between Komori's legs, slowly spreading them open. Sakusa looked at Komori from above, leaned down to plant a kiss on his forehead, and gently, he slid down leaving a trail of small kisses on Komori's face and body. When he reached Komori’s belly, he sucked the head of his cock, making him moan and arche his hips. Then Komori felt how Sakusa's lips were sucking along his erect member. Fingers burying into his crotch.</p>
<p>Komori’s breath hitched. Hands clutching the mattress even harder. Hips lifting involuntarily, lost in pleasure.</p>
<p>However, he soon found out that it was not in his cousin's plan to suck off his cock, as he soon slid lower, right up to his ass.</p>
<p>Then he felt a wet pressure pushing on his asshole, and next thing he knew he was groaning loudly, air leaving his lungs. Glassy eyes squinting.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Sakusa had spread Komori’s cheeks to run his tongue wide across his entrance. He could feel Komori’s chest and shoulders moving up and down. He swirled his tongue around playing a little, until he finally shoved his tongue in, hard. </p>
<p>Komori whimpered and his hips quivered. Sakusa shoved his tongue back in, letting himself melt into the gasps and moans Komori made. He was becoming addicted to them. He knew he was no able to control himself anymore, he wanted to fuck Komori so badly. Maybe he was a pervert after all, since he could feel his cock twitching with the simple idea of his cousin trembling under him, filled with his cock.</p>
<p>He thrust in and out, using his hold on Komori’s crotches to help himself sink deeper. Komori began to moan desperately, and for a second Sakusa wonder if this would be enough to making him cum… Well, it’d be nice if Komori came twice, if necessary.</p>
<p>Then Sakusa withdrew completely out of Komori’s asshole to look up at him. </p>
<p>It was such an erotic image. Cheeks lit in a bright red. Glassy eyes, tears already falling down his temples. Lips parted, gasping for air. Chest growing wide as he tried to fill his lungs with air. Cock soaked in precum, spread on his abs.</p>
<p>"Kiyoomi," Komori pleaded in a small voice.</p>
<p>Sakusa didn’t need Komori to finish his sentence. He knew what he wanted, and he wanted it too. </p>
<p>He prepared his dick, putting on the condom and covering it with lube, hoping Komori’s hole would be ready for him. </p>
<p>He slid the cockhead first, Komori moved one of his hand to cover his mouth, muffling a moan. Sakusa gasped. Feeling the tip of his shaft getting warm inside his cousin tight ass. Then, incapable of waiting any more time, he slid completely. His full hard erection disappearing into Komori’s entrance. Komori let escape a loud growl from his chest as he shut his eyes closed. </p>
<p>Sakusa felt Komori’s legs trembling at his sides. He waited for a moment before moving again, until his cousin got used to his cock. </p>
<p>But suddenly, Komori lifted his hips into his member, pushing against it. Even when his face winced in pain, he gasped like he needed every inch of Sakusa’s length inside him.</p>
<p>Sakusa wheezed, all surprised. </p>
<p>"Kiyoomi," Komori’s voice shook out, "Please, fuck me hard.”</p>
<p>So eager. So Impatient.</p>
<p>Sakusa ignored him, afraid to hurt him and started with slow, shallow thrusts. Komori growled against the palm of his hand. Then he started to go deeper, a little more every few thrusts. Komori let little whines escape his throat with each new shove.</p>
<p>"Fuck," Komori exhaled, "please more."</p>
<p>Sakusa moved one of his hand to reach for Komori’s shaft, grabbing it to slowly jerking it off. He didn’t miss the grimace of pleasure that played along his cousin’s face. He gulped, worried he would come by only seeing Komori’s facial expressions. The deities above knew how much he had waited for this, how much he wanted it, no longer caring about how wrong it was.</p>
<p>"Ah!" Komori exclaimed, pushing his hips back against Sakusa in encouragement. "Deeper," he begged.</p>
<p>Sakusa obeyed without hesitation. He started doing full thrusts, timing them with Komori's breathing, no letting go of his cock. </p>
<p>"Mmnhh… Ki… Kiyoomi….” Komori was moaning his name.</p>
<p>Sakusa felt as all his senses had gone away. He wouldn’t last much. But he would last enough to make his cousin come first on his fist. </p>
<p>Komori inhaled and exhaled in a growl. </p>
<p>Sakusa thrust into Komori fully and quickly as he watched his expression becoming a grimace of pain and pleasure. </p>
<p>Sakusa couldn’t take it slow anymore. His cock ached, fully erected. There was no way he could hold back any longer. He glided in and out of Komori’s entrance with long, fiercely thrusts. He watched his face twist around gasps and moans that tried to mumbled his name. </p>
<p>“Kiyoomi…. I….”  Komori tried to say in a gasp. “I… I love you…”</p>
<p>Komori said as he came hot over Sakusa’s fist and across their chests. He felt Komori’s ass stretching tighter around his cock with every spasm of his orgasm. Sakusa lost himself. Heart and cock full in excitement. His hips shoved into erratic thrusts as he came hard, groaning loudly against Komori’s neck.</p>
<p>They stay still for a moment. Panting and not letting go of themselves. Sakusa felt as if he was about to pass out. Too many emotions for a day. </p>
<p>When their breaths became regular, he took out his cock from Komori’s entrance. Komori whined a little, his eyes closed. Sakusa moved out of bed to grab some tissues to clean off all the cum on their chests and Komori’s abs. When he was done with it, he threw away the tissues along with the condom into the bin next to his desk. Tomorrow first hour, he would take out that trash.</p>
<p>He went into the bathroom to wash his hands. And when he came back into the room, he noticed Komori was already asleep, fully naked on his bed. A hand resting on his stomach. It had been a long tiring day for him. He was exhausted. Sakusa took a blanket out of the closet, and carefully covered Komori with it.<br/>
He felt dizzy. Strange feelings coming back to his chest. But the fatigue was bigger, so he collapsed next to his cousin, listening to his calm breaths. Sensing his aroma all around the room. He let himself got carried away by the mood, and in less than a minute, he had fallen asleep too. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b> All-Japan Youth Training Camp – December 2012 </b> </p>
<p>For Sakusa, realization came on a winter day.</p>
<p>It was night. Sakusa and Komori had had a long and particularly hard training. After dinner they had taken showers, and then headed back into their dorm.<br/>
Komori was already yawning, even though it was just 7pm. They were walking together when Sakusa noticed he had left one of his towels in the shower.</p>
<p>He made a frown in disgust.</p>
<p>“Go first. I forgot one of my towels in the showers,” he told Komori. </p>
<p>“I can go with you,” he offered. </p>
<p>“No need to, you’re tired and the showers aren’t close to our dorms.”</p>
<p>Komori made a grimace with his mouth, as thinking.</p>
<p>“Okay, then. Give me your stuff. You’ll be quicker this way,” Komori held a wide smile on his face. </p>
<p>Sakusa smiled too behind his mask as he handed his bag to him.</p>
<p>“I’ll be right back,” he said, and started jogging back the showers. Komori nodded.</p>
<p>Fortunately, his towel was still in the shower he had used, and it didn’t seem like someone had grabbed it. He wouldn’t use it until he could wash it, anyways.<br/>
He made it into their dorm just to see his stuff on a chair and Komori lying face down on his bed. The lower part of the bunker. He had his face half buried on Sakusa’s pillow, and he was completely asleep, snoring softly. </p>
<p>Sakusa sighed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Komori was such fast sleeper. He didn’t mind him sleeping on his bed, but he hoped he wouldn’t drool on his pillow. Uughh. That’d be gross.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sakusa kneeled next to the mattress. Eyes staring at Komori, mind full of thoughts about how cute Komori looked, sleeping like that. On his bed. The aroma of roses reached his nose. He inhaled deeply into the familiar scent. He made a grin. </p>
<p>“I love you.” he said. </p>
<p>It came so naturally. As if those words had been there since the first time they met. </p>
<p>Here is the thing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They hadn’t been there since the first time they met, but, they had, indeed, been there for a long time. Waiting for the moment in which, with the slightest breeze, the spark would finally become a flame. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Komori opened his eyes. It was early in the morning. Had everything been a dream? The confession, the kiss, the… The pain on his back and legs told him otherwise. His face blushed with the memory of last night, and his heart jumped in happiness inside his chest.</p>
<p>He had fallen asleep right after finishing. How embarrassing. The last thing he could remember was Sakusa cleaning him up. Then darkness. He had slept so well. Now he felt fully recharged. </p>
<p>He turned his face around and saw Sakusa, still asleep by his side. He was gorgeous… </p>
<p>Komori took away the blanket that covered him and slip out of bed. He felt his body sticky, so he went for the shower he hadn’t taken last night. </p>
<p>His muscles relaxed under hot water. He stayed there for a long time. Maybe 20/30 minutes, recapitulating everything, until he had to left it. Cock threatening to get hard again. </p>
<p>He would avoid those thoughts for now. First, he needed to talk with Sakusa. Like, to really talk. I mean, yes, they had had sex. They had tenderly kissed too, but, they hadn’t really said anything, and this was something that needed to be as clear as possible. They needed to figure out together what was next step.</p>
<p>He got away from the tub and dry himself with a towel. He dried his hair as well. </p>
<p>He put on some clothes he had borrowed from Sakusa’s closet. A pair of comfy pants and a long sleeve t-shirt that was a little bit large for him. </p>
<p>When he went out of the bathroom, Sakusa was already awake. Sitting on the edge of his bed, half dressed already. A troubled expression on his face….</p>
<p>Komori arched an eyebrow, feeling a heavy weight on his chest. Fear suddenly greeting him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kiyoomi…?” he dared to ask, breaking the silence.</p>
<p>Sakusa didn’t turn around to look at him.  </p>
<p>“You should leave,” Sakusa muttered. Voice trembling. </p>
<p>Komori’s heart skipped a bit.</p>
<p>“What!?” he blurted out. Was this a joke? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It… it was a mistake…” Sakusa’s words came out as daggers. “Whatever happened last night. It was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's it.<br/>I'm not really happy with this chapter. Smut is always really hard for me to write, but I had this scene in mind for such a long time!! I'm glad i finally wrote it. And I hope you liked it.</p>
<p>See you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Komori's sad feelings after being rejected.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First of all. I'm so sorry it took me almost a month to update T_T<br/>I had a big block and just couldn't convey my thoughts and ideas into words.<br/>Actually, i'm not that satisfied with this chapter, but I was finally able to write something, so here it is.</p>
<p>I hope you like it &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>”I love you,” he said.<br/>
“And then?”<br/>
“And then, I guess, he forgot.”</i>  </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>February 2018</b><br/>
“So, guys, are you both dating?” a pretty girl with long and black hair asked them. She and one of her friends had approached them while Komori was mostly making fun of Sakusa’s current state.</p>
<p>“Oh no, we are—</p>
<p>“We’re BEST FRIENDS” Sakusa blurted out with a decisive voice. His cheeks were fully red, and Komori wondered how much it was because of the alcohol and how much it was for the embarrassment he surely was feeling right now.</p>
<p>The girls in front of them giggled behind their hands. Komori smiled widely.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we’re best friends,” he agreed contently. It was true. Family or not, Sakusa was his best friend in the whole world. And he was his. They knew it, no matter they had never mentioned it before or talked about it. As most things in their relationships, they didn’t need validation or words. It was like a silent agreement they both carried with them.</p>
<p>“Well, you two look cute together.” This time it was the other girl talking. One with short brown hair and a pretty face. </p>
<p>“Thank you, you too are cute.”</p>
<p>Sakusa opened his mouth as if he was about to refute that, but Komori elbowed him soon enough for him to shut it up. His cousin could be mercilessly honest when he was drunk. </p>
<p>They were in a party at Hiroshima. Most of Komori’s EPJ teammates were there too. One week ago, Sakusa had texted Komori. They hadn’t seen each other in months due to Sakusa’s tight schedule. It was his last semester in university, and along with his studies and the volleyball matches and trainings, it was even hard for Sakusa to keep up with everything without any stress. </p>
<p>However, the volleyball season was over, and he would be graduating in a month. He was almost done with his final projects and exams and had asked Komori to meet. </p>
<p>Komori was surprised when he read Sakusa’s text. It was usually Komori the one requesting to see each other, trying to adjust himself to his cousin’s busy schedule.<br/>
However, this time it was Sakusa the one willing to meet, but Komori had plans already, so he decided to invite Sakusa to this party he would be attending with his teammates, even though he was sure Sakusa would reject him. Surprisingly, he didn’t. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which lead us to this moment, to this night at this party.</p>
<p>“So… I and my friend were thinking, it would be nice to go somewhere more private, you know? Only the four of us,” she said, staring at them in the eyes. Visibly flirting and using a very seductive voice. Her friend was putting on her cutest face possible.</p>
<p>Komori thought for a moment, a heavy weight pressing on his chest.</p>
<p>In any other situation, maybe, he wouldn’t mind having some fun, yes. But here, with Sakusa by his side, he sure minded it. He didn’t want Sakusa going with some random girl, and if he was about being honest, he wasn’t interested in going somewhere with some random girl whose name he didn’t even want to know. Nor when he could spend the night just talking with his cousin. Which yeah… It was a little bit cheesy, but who cared anyways. </p>
<p>And before he could gently reject the offer, he heard Sakusa’s tipsy voice again.</p>
<p>“Ughh of course not!” he said putting on a grimace. Tone all serious, looking at them in disgust. Komori’s worries vanished away as he relaxed.</p>
<p>The girls made a face and Komori tried not to laugh, even though he found it comical.</p>
<p>He cleared his throat. </p>
<p>“Sorry, he is… he’s more drunk than it seems, we should be leaving,” he said all of a sudden, grabbing Sakusa by his wrist. “It was nice to meet you!” he said with his broad and bright grin as he ran away dragging Sakusa with him. </p>
<p> Sakusa didn’t resist. He let himself be taken away by Komori, both disappearing into the crowd.</p>
<p>“Oh, leaving now?” Suna’s voice reached them when they were about to reach the entrance.</p>
<p>Komori turned around. Suna was wearing casual and yet elegant clothes. Looking all fresh besides being at a party. One beer on his hand. </p>
<p>“Yep, we are,” Komori replied, still holding Sakusa’s wrist. “This guy got all drunk all, I don’t know how, when, or why. First time I see him like this.” Komori let out a friendly laughter. </p>
<p>“Must be the stress…” Suna replied innocently as his eyes looked away from Komori. Forcing his lips not to change into a smirk. “Want me to ask for a cab that take you both to your place?”</p>
<p>“Oh Rin, that would be great. Thanks!” Komori thanked Suna. Sakusa raised an eyebrow. </p>
<p>The cab arrived some minutes later. Komori said goodbye to Suna and thanked him again. Suna said it was okay and wish them a good trip. Then Suna looked at Sakusa, a smug expression painted on his face. Suna squinted his eyes, not getting it. Komori didn’t notice any of this, and with his last goodbyes he took Sakusa out of the party and they made their way back into Komori’s apartment.</p>
<p>Komori looked at the night sky. No stars today, huh? It was dark in there, so vast and dark. </p>
<p>The cold whether holding. A warm feeling in a cold night. </p>
<p>If he hadn’t been so distracted watching the sky through the window, maybe he had noticed the pair of black orbs that looked at him in amusement. Lost in love and something more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Here is a truth.<br/>
Komori’s truth.</p>
<p>It happened by that time. The beginning of an end. Rosy cheeks, and funny laughers could tell you about it. The warm in a cold night, a sharp wind, and the lack of words.<br/>
They got to Komori’s apartment. Or Sakusa’s home, call it whatever you want, because for Sakusa, home was whenever Komori was.</p>
<p>College graduation was coming soon; perfect grades, just as everything he did. Just like Sakusa himself. The pure image of perfection, according to Komori’s opinion. Not that he planned on sharing these thoughts with Sakusa. Not ever. Or perhaps, not now.</p>
<p>They were on the floor of Komori’s room. Their backs leaning against the bed. They looked at each other, and Komori smiled, wide as he always did.<br/>
“What’s on your mind?” Sakusa asked, and amazingly he smiled too.</p>
<p>A flutter in Komori’s stomach. </p>
<p>“Nothing, I’m just… happy,” he said in a quiet voice, his fingers brushing Sakusa’s unconsciously. </p>
<p>“I’m happy too…” Sakusa confessed, and his fingers searched for the warm in Komori’s fingers even more. </p>
<p>“You’re smiling… “Komori’s grin softened, and his eyes focused on the person he had in front of him. </p>
<p>“Am I?” Sakusa giggled in a tender way. His eyes didn’t stop staring at Komori’s face. And love was there, and Komori knew it, he felt it. After all, he had seen that look on himself. And nobody loved Sakusa as he did.</p>
<p>And it was the first time Komori saw him smiling and laughing like this, and a thought crossed his mind. Maybe, just maybe he had been born to live this exact moment, because it felt real and perfect, and he would never change it. </p>
<p>And this thought was suddenly replaced by a memory. One if his most precious memories from a few years ago, in the summer camp. </p>
<p>He was dizzy and exhausted from training,  so he dropped himself onto Sakusa's bed. He closed his eyes, just to rest for a few minutes, but from one moment to another he dozed. And it wasn't until he felt his cousin very close to him that he realized he was still lying there. He pretended to stay asleep, more from the fatigue of getting up than anything else.  And then he listened Sakusa saying three words he would never forget:</p>
<p>
  <i>I love you.</i>
</p>
<p>And Komori’s heart skipped not one, but two beats. Because that meant something, right? And his body went paralyzed. And he wanted to turn around and kiss those lips and say it back. <i>I love too. </i></p>
<p>But he didn’t.</p>
<p>And soon after that Komori would regret his lack of words, wondering if things would have turned out different if he had said something. If he hadn’t assumed so many things. And very deep inside his tiny but giant heart, he would blame himself, even though, it was no one’s fault.</p>
<p>The sound of Sakusa’s laughing brought him back to the present, it was something too precious for Komori to share. It made him feel especial. It was like confirmation. It was a side of Sakusa Kiyoomi that just a few were able to meet. Maybe just him if we are honest. </p>
<p>Words? Who needed them? They had more than that. Lots more. They had moments and memories. They had each other. So far until now, he had always thought that when it came to him and Sakusa, there was nothing else to be said. He thought Sakusa knew it as much as he did. Whatever they had, it was theirs and only theirs. They understood each other better than anyone else. They’ve kept in touch even though their paths had taken them apart. But distance was nothing when they had their own world and the weight of this unreasonable and silent love they shared.</p>
<p>“Really, Kiyoomi, you should smile like this more often.” Komori said as he laughed and stretched Sakusa’s cheeks with his fingers.</p>
<p>“Then let’s meet more often…” Sakusa replied, his hands on Komori’s, forcing them to let go of his cheeks.</p>
<p>Komori’s cheek blushed, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t because of the alcohol, but shyness. Sakusa was being unusually lovely with him.</p>
<p>And then it happened. Sakusa got close and tried to kiss him. There, in the middle of the living room. A pair of dark spheres burning with too many emotions.</p>
<p>But Komori stopped him.</p>
<p>Not because he didn’t want to, He DID want it. He could devour those lips, no doubt of that. He was dying for that moment to happen, probably. But it wasn’t right. Not like this. Sakusa was drunk, and he too, a little. In another situation, with another person, he probably wouldn’t mind at all. But it wasn’t right. Not like this. Sakusa was drunk, and he too, a little. In another situation, with another person, he probably wouldn’t mind at all.  But here, with Sakusa in front of of him. It did matter. Maybe he was a romantic after all, but if Sakusa and him were going to kiss, he wanted him to be 100% sure about it. </p>
<p>So, he did stop him. </p>
<p>And Sakusa’s eyes fell. </p>
<p>“It’s not right.” Komori told him and he didn’t notice the pain on Sakusa’s body. Nor he saw the knot on his cousin’s throat.</p>
<p>“Not like this,” he added. But Sakusa had turned around, cheeks even redder. </p>
<p>Komori reached for his hand and made small circles on Sakusa’s palm with his thumb. </p>
<p>Sakusa didn’t say a word.</p>
<p>“Let’s sleep.”</p>
<p>And they did. They shared a double bed, and Komori thought to himself. <i>Not like this, but soon. I owe you tonight kiss. Soon I’ll kiss you for tonight and forever. </i></p>
<p>It was a promise.</p>
<p>Little bit he knew, the chance had slipped his hands, even though his reasons were valid. There won’t be more nights. “Soon” will take almost four years.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Next morning Sakusa woke up with a hangover. </p>
<p>“I’m never drinking again,” he meant it. “I can’t remember anything after 11pm.”</p>
<p>“Anything?” curiosity escaping Komori’s chest.</p>
<p>Sakusa shook his head.</p>
<p>“Don’t even know how I got to bed…. So, thank you. I guess you took me there.” He said in a low voice.</p>
<p>“I… I just led you, you walked perfectly on your feet. So, nothing to thanks.” Komori replied.</p>
<p>And for the first time ever, the silence that followed those lines was not comfortable. It was cold, just like the weather outside.</p>
<p>Sakusa came back to Tokyo. And he didn’t text Komori in days. Komori, assumed he was busy finishing his last projects and studying for his final exams. In part, he was right. But in the other hand, he wasn’t. Sakusa was avoiding him on purpose.</p>
<p>Texts, calls, and visits became unusual, just as days became weeks, and weeks became months. </p>
<p>Sakusa never rejected him. He wouldn’t dare. But he didn’t talk as much as before. He had some lame excuses for not being alone. And whenever he asked, Sakusa would say, everything is fine, what do you mean? And Komori would say, nevermind. It’s fine. </p>
<p>Because how could he explain something with no name and no shape.</p>
<p>How could he complain if there were things that were never said?</p>
<p>And one day on April or May they met in a match. EPJ against the Alders. Sakusa was there, and no because he had gone to see Komori played. No. He was there because of someone else. Komori knew it… he tried to smile anyway.</p>
<p>When the match was over, he approached Sakusa.</p>
<p>“Hey, didn’t know you were going to be here. Guess Ushijima invited you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah… he did. Last night. I didn’t know either.”</p>
<p>Komori smiled, and he meant it.</p>
<p>“Well. It’s nice to see you… Listen, I…” but before he could say more, Ushijima appeared.</p>
<p>“Sorry, am I interrupting something?”</p>
<p>“You’re not.” Sakusa said.</p>
<p>“Nice game, Ushijima san.” Komori flattered him.</p>
<p>“You too. You really are a good libero. You didn’t let any of my spikes escape.”</p>
<p>Komori smiled proudly.</p>
<p>“You and Sakusa are good friends, since High School. I remember. Tendou always said you were really close to each other.” Ushijima declared as a fact.</p>
<p>“We are not. He’s just my cousin.” Sakusa refuted. Flat eyes. Sharp voice.</p>
<p>Komori’s heart sank and his chest hurt.</p>
<p>“That’s right… just cousins…” he barely could say. Ushijima nodded. Komori left.</p>
<p>It was late June when they met again. Komori had made a decision. </p>
<p>He attended his grandma’s birthday. Sakusa did as well. They made a trip to the countryside. </p>
<p>It was a summer night, but they were far away to feel the warm.</p>
<p>“Hey…” Komori whispered</p>
<p>Sakusa looked at him, not saying a word.</p>
<p>They stood there for a while. Sakusa looked at Komori, but Komori didn’t look back at him. He looked everywhere but him, because maybe that way, it would be easier.</p>
<p>“It feels like ages… the last time we talked… “</p>
<p>Silence. </p>
<p>“Thank you, Kiyoomi…” he whispered, finally looking at him. Sakusa’s eyes widened. And his lips parted to finally speak.</p>
<p>“Why does this feel like a farewell…?” Sakusa muttered. Concern in his eyes. </p>
<p>Komori took some steps away, stopping just enough to reply. </p>
<p>“Because it is…”</p>
<p>They didn’t talk for the next 3 years.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>November 27, one week after the wedding</b><br/>
“So, are you planning on staying in bed the whole day?” Suna asked while raising an eyebrow. He was wearing a black cozy hoodie and grey sportive pants. And even though he sounded annoyed, the truth was he was a little bit worried for Komori’s emotional state.</p>
<p>“Maybe I am… “ Komori replied in a small thread of voice as he buried deeply into the thick blankets.</p>
<p>Suna sighed. Hands in pockets, sitting at the end of Komori’s bed.</p>
<p>“Want to talk about it? You haven’t said anything… Like not really. The only thing I know is you texted me last Sunday saying we don’t talk more about Sakusa Kiyoomi. Then you show up on trainings more fiercely than usual… I mean, I’m glad you are using all this energy in the court but… I’m worried about you, Motoya.”</p>
<p>For someone who didn’t bother with anyone’s business and was more the “just a few words” kind of person, Suna was doing quiet an effort here. He wasn’t even told to come to Komori’s apartment. But he knew how this kind of shit worked, and he was sure Komori would need some company.  </p>
<p>“Thank you for coming over…” Motoya said while forcing a smile. Sad look on his face “I… I’m not sure if I can talk about this, I don’t really know what I am supposed to say…”</p>
<p>“You say whatever you feel like saying. It’s okay if it doesn’t make sense. Feelings never make sense, anyways.” Suna said staring at him. “You can also remain silent if you don’t feel like talking… I just want to make sure you are okay…”</p>
<p>Komori straighten up a little, just to meet’s Suna’s face. </p>
<p>“I… am… okay…” he intended to say, but the words that seemed so easy in his mind, were harder to say. He felt a knot in his throat, unable to keep talking.<br/>
You see, sometimes it’s just like that. Things don’t affect us until much more later. And for Komori Motoya, it had been a sad slow burn.  </p>
<p>Anger and outrage came first. Right after Sakusa asked him to leave. He couldn’t even believe it. He was so shocked and surprised that for a moment he thought it had to be a bad joke. Only that it wasn’t, and Komori, far from feeling like crying, felt like he wanted to yell at his cousin and take the shit out of his stupid head. </p>
<p>Of course, he didn’t. </p>
<p>He was angry and upset. He felt the pain on his chest growing fast and escaping through his eyes.</p>
<p>He didn’t remember exactly what he yelled at Sakusa, but he remembered the hurt and the mix his feelings became in that moment. And he remembered how his cousin never dared to look at him directly in the eyes. Such a coward, he had thought. But maybe it was for the best. Komori feared that if Sakusa had looked at him with those eyes of his, he would find something he didn’t want to find. Not there, not like that. He would have broken.</p>
<p>Later he put all his energy into training. He was furious and being furious is always the easiest part.</p>
<p>But today. When there was no court, and the anger had finally left, he felt like trash. It was that time again. The part of the process he liked the least. Time to face his true feelings, to face reality. Time to cry and be sad.</p>
<p>So, there he lied. Buried in thick blankets on his bed. Telling Suna his sad and stupid story after the wedding. Outside, the day was like crying. It was as if the clouds that lazily roamed in the sky knew. Perhaps they did, and as cruel accomplices of sadness, they had turned a depressing gray color.</p>
<p>“He didn’t even say it back, you know?” Komori whispered. Suna raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, he wasn’t willing to interrupt Komori. </p>
<p>“I told him I like him… That I love him.” He kept muttering, eyes getting fully wet in the process. “He didn’t say it back.” </p>
<p>Komori blinked. Two large tears slid down his cheeks. His lips pressed hard between them, as if with it, he could prevent the sadness that he felt from overflowing into a cry. Suna looked at him sadly. He was there to support a friend. After so many years playing in the same team, and with how much Komori shone, it had been inevitable that he took a liking to him. He stood up and walked around the bed, approaching Komori, and sitting close to him. He put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed hard. <i> I'm here, it's okay</i>  he was trying to say with that gesture.</p>
<p>
 "Do you know what the worst part is?" Komori sobbed. his chest somewhat agitated. "I still love him. And a part of me wishes to go back to that day and avoid it all. To go back to what we were before. I don't know, Rin. I'm so stupid, I should never have gone back, I screwed up everything. I ... I thought Kiyoomi and I had ... "but Komori couldn't say more. His voice cracked and then he broke into a slight cry. Fat tears fell down his face and disappeared in his hands that now covered him.
</p>
<p>
 Suna squeezed his shoulder tighter. He wanted to do more, but he knew he couldn't. Komori on the other hand, appreciated the company. He was grateful to be able to get the sadness out of his chest. The fact that Suna had shown up at his apartment that day was more than enough for him to be grateful.
</p>
<p>
 Once Komori stopped sobbing, Suna took a couple of tissues and handed them to his friend. He waited until he calmed down a bit and added. 
</p>
<p>
 "It's not your fault, Motoya. I don't want to take any sides, but your cousin is a jerk," Motoya smiled a little. "I don't know what his deal is, but I and practically half the Japanese team or anyone who has seen you together, can assure you that it was not your imagination, if that is what you think. We all witness how simp he is for you." 
</p>
<p>
 "Then why?" Motoya complained as he wiped the tears from his face. "Why did he ask me to leave? Why did he let me go believing that he doesn't feel the same way about me?" 
</p>
<p>
 Suna thought for a moment. 
</p>
<p>
 "Well ... it's not easy, I guess. Not for him. Maybe he's confused. If anything, he's still an asshole for what he did. No matter how confused he is, that doesn't justify his shitty actions. "
</p>
<p>
 "I agree with you ... I can't believe I made the same mistake again, you know, 4 years ago, when he and I grew apart, I did it for him. I left not because I wanted to, but because it was obvious Kiyoomi was no longer comfortable with whatever we had. He had been avoiding me for months. He never looked for me. Not even a message. He made me feel that everything we had lived together never meant anything to him, when to me, they had meant so much. "
</p>
<p>
 Komori gulped and continued.
</p>
<p>
 "But then we met again at the Olympics and we both acted as if those three years hadn't existed. And I thought maybe I was just exaggerating, that it was all my ideas. And I decided to ignore the past. I went back to the place I had drifted away from. And all my effort was wasted. And ... aaahhh! Sakusa is an idiot, how dare he? I am very upset with him, and with myself ... for missing him and for loving him this way. Rin, I'm a complete fool." Komori concluded in the middle of another sob.
</p>
<p>
 Suna put on a soft smile.
</p>
<p>
 "You are not. They are just things that happen. Besides, the places we leave are never the same once we return to them. You are different. The people in that place are too. Everything is different. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving, you know?”
</p>
<p>
 Komori turned to see Suna in complete disbelief. His eyes were somewhat puffy and red, but still, he could see the surprise in them.<br/>
"I didn't know you could be so… philosophical? You sound very poetic, Rin." 
</p>
<p>
 "You offend me, you should give more credit to my knowledge. I not only use my phone to stay up to date on my social networks. I also read." Suna replied as he gently pushed Komori on his shoulder.
</p>
<p>
 "And whatever. Maybe it's no one's fault ... not yours or Sakusa's. As much as I dislike him right now, I think he must have reasons for being more sucker than normal ... Give him time. Give yourself time. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? And maybe it's time to stop thinking about others and do something for yourself."
</p>
<p>
 "You're right Rin .... There is no reason to feel guilty, I don't have to apologize for ... for loving him,” Komori said looking away as a light blush formed on his cheeks. “Do you think he will look for me?"
</p>
<p>
 "I can't be sure ... Do you want him to look for you?" 
</p>
<p>
 "No ... I don't think so. I miss him, but I think I'm going to punch him really hard in the face if he comes now ... Maybe I need to relax a bit."
</p>
<p>
 "Definitely."
</p>
<p>
 Komori took a deep breath. He still felt shattered inside. He was like a great mass of feelings that contradicted each other, but somehow talking to Suna had lightened the burden he carried with him. He would allow himself to cry and be angry and throw tantrums if he wanted to. At least for now, what would he feel tomorrow? That he could not know. However, whatever it was, he was sure he could handle it. Nothing lasts forever. Not even sadness and disappointment. Either way, he was happy not to be alone.
</p>
<p>
  <i>“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”</i>
—Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that was it. Yes. Komori is very sad, and Suna is a good friend. In another universe, they would date. In this one, tho. They won't. </p>
<p>Just that you know, we won't see Sakusa and Komori together again until the last chapters.</p>
<p>Also, thank you so much for all the support and nice comment you left in ch. 7. It makes me really happy to read all of you and even happier to know you are enjoying this story.<br/>I hope i'm able to write something you enjoy until the end.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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